Thoughts of a minibus traveller

  Celebrating Eve   We started talking about Toni Morrisson and wondered if she had written any poems and then found Eve Remembering i n which the poet imagines Eve saying "I would do it all over again:" ... and we were in awe that well.. Eve would have no shame for the 'sin' of eating the apple.  We had a discussion about innocence and sin, and whether it would be better to be innocent than face life's problems.. a discussion which got emotional at times and a lesson on how poetry can evoke strong emotions in some people while well.. nothing in other people.. We agreed that we didn't understand 'The Perfect Ease of Grain' , and tried to work out what it meant and put it down to one of those things like the beautiful clip from Wilson Harris shared in the Afterword of the Chapter & Verse: Wilson Harris organised by Moray House Trust  which we might never understand. The discussion of understanding continued with the   The Second Coming by William B...

Book club 3am, I can't sleep. I get up, collect the laptop, bring to the bed under the net. I open the PDF of the book. I want to sleep but I am glad that I can finish reading the book,  not only because the book is a kind of page turner but because well is book club that day and I want to finish the book. I remember reading a Kafka's Metamorphosis the night before First book club meeting in 2005 and thinking what the hell , this is like school.. hustling up to finish assignment the day before it is due. Reading is a wonderful solitary activity. Reading in community has this other dynamic of sustaining the joy in the encouragement and sharing.   Pandemic The pandemic has not stopped the reading in community. Thanks to the Internet, we can set some goals and then meet to talk about the book and the things in the book, or not to talk about the book at all and talk about other things - sex, politics, mental health, more sex, politics, environment, writing, films, other boo...

   Sanitising..  Wake up feeling tired and thinking of things left to be done. This was not the plan.. the 'taking the break' so that I could wake up with nothing to be done. Body and mind reacting to the no sleep and there is a restlessness in the tired body like tiny tiny twitches all over which are networked with the nerves in the pain. Twitches from the things I had to do, the flood, the vaccine uncertainty, the changes in body in mind which age, the income earning, the exhaustion from managing the diabetes without having to resort to meds.. and maybe it is the moon,.. Strange things in the week as I accept that I cannot do what I did before and cannot do the same things as before. Found myself rehearsing about five times for a 10 minute thing which I have done before many things but I no longer trust myself to wing it. And while sleep comes the night before, the sleep does not come the night after as another thing comes up. And that even the yoga routine does not rea...

  Social distancing "Hey you.. we is nah frenz no more... " I hear the woman shouting and I keep walking as I don't know the woman. "Ow man, like you forget me or what.. "... I turn back. Covid time when death and sickness are high and I hardly talk to people now in 'real life'. Bright eyes and big smile, arms open like she wants to hug me. One hand has unlit cigarette, the other hand two plastic bags. Mask on her chin, not on her nose. Nice to see the big smile from the distance away.  "Why you passing me?" she speaks above the mask and through the big smile.. "Don't you remember me?"..  Mask can't hide my 'nah. .I don't know you' look. "Covid.. " I say.. "No man.. Covid make you forget me" she say and people passing and hearing us shout at each other fondly from seven feet apart.  I do not know the woman, I cannot remember her but my memory has been going recently anyway. If it was not for Cov...

  Paper boats "Do you think the paper boats on the river are us and life"?  Stephanie Bowry asked us. A woman had shared a poem she wrote after making paper boats with her son for the first time and putting them on the Berbice River.   We talked a bit about rivers, currents, destiny and whether or not we were paper boats and how Caribbean people had moved against the currents.  One woman said she heard the joy of the child folding the paper boats and putting them on the river. Poetry In March 2019, I folded newspapers into hearts and stapled poems on them to share at a Groundings event,   telling people to "Come, take a poem." People on the avenue were surprised.. they hadn't read poems since leaving school (primary school even) .  I hadn't discussed poetry either since the English B (Lit) exam in June 1986 when I am sure I did not get much marks for the questions about the poem. And since March 2019 I have not really engaged much with poetry apart...

    "Mask, mask.. " the conductor tells the  man coming on the bus. The man had just put out a cigarette. Eyes red. Clean bright red cap. Neat trousers and black shoes. Conductor and driver are older men, wearing masks. All the passengers wearing masks. First time since Covid come to Guyana that I hear a conductor ask passengers about the mask. "Yeah yea.. let me sit down"  I am at the last row, corner near the left wheel , half lying half sitting and face kind of out the window.   Man comes past me,  says 'hey' in a pleasant knowing way. I wonder if is one of the guys near the market who always calling me doc. He sits on the corner opposite to me. Pulls out two blue masks from his back pocket and chooses one.   I know the move.  I keep a blue mask in my pocket sometimes for the places which would not accept me with the plaid cloth which covers more of my face than the blue mask. ("Vidya , why you don't wear a proper mask, you look like ...

"Lower the camera let me see.. no, you have to wait until the bananas come out.. then use the remaining flower" the man told. The man, vegan, has inspired me with his resilience, and his creativity in cooking. Hot day. I see a splash of purple from the side of my eye. The backyard is almost wild. I don't know when the first banana suckers were planted. I like the sucker leaves though. I have only touched the suckers when needing the leaves to form the base of the bedi, the ritual space, when doing pujas. Sometimes bananas have come up. I never watched though as the flowers turn to bananas, didn't realise that the beautiful purple/red oval shaped thing would turn into the bunch of fruit of a different colour. The man told me had made his version of the 'vegan fish and chips '.  He used a blossom that was 'destined for a compost heap'. He cleaned the flower, peeled off the petals and pulled out the remaining filaments which did not birth into...

Man asks me nicely.. so what have you been doing , are you working? And I am kind of stumped because he has been working hard even with COVID and elections , and I have been in limbo. But thinking that nah man, be creative with something.  Gratitude for the breadfruit which comes my way, discover that the breadfruit is bountiful. The boil breadfruit taste nice.. but sometimes I think it could be stodgy. Hundreds of recipes out there.. baking, frying and so.  Coconut milk, curry.. all nice. Mash and make pie and so. I go looking to see if there is a thing like hash breadfruit.  Find Chef John from Samoa making 'Ulu hasb brown' Boil the breadfruit, grate it, mix it with other things and fry it. Grating the boil breadfruit is not difficult. It is different from mashing the breadfruit.  I grate it, mix it loosely with  some seasoning, and chip up a tomato. The breadfruit is soft enough, it does not need any other 'moisture'.  Vegan style! ...

Using madness to survive the madness of Guyana 2020 - elections, Covid, and re-writing a National Pledge even though I am not a patriot and don't love Guyana I pledge myself to honor always the Flag of Guyana , the struggles and celebrations of my ancestors - all of them , not just the ones on my family tree and to be loyal to my country, accountable to everybody , and to hold them accountable to be obedient to the laws of Guyana, of the Universe, to sustain the Earth, to recognise that I am part of a Universal whole to love  understand  - my fellow citizens, to work with them to overcome the fears at the root of their prejudices , to create connections with them and to dedicate my energies towards the happiness and prosperity of Guyana."   working for justice and equality while taking care of my mental and spiritual health and well being. ( AntivirusGy is a collection of ramblings on things which have changed since Covid 19 entered our vo...

Image by Niek Verlaan from Pixabay "You could come. We here" - firm and confident voice of my co-conspirator. I was fed up. My head is heavy.  Every time I look in the mirror , I see the image of a man with the heavy head. I can't ease the burden alone. I know the risk. The place I will meet with the man on the phone and other people might be under surveillance. It is a place that is illegal to open But freedom and liberation require risk taking. I tie the cloth on my face to mask and go down to the place. Feeling anxious, scared, hopeful that I could be free from the burden. I open the door of the place. People there.  Everyone in masks. I am the only one with a cloth on my face. Shoots.. I am standing out.  Hearing the curses of the health officials in my head about the men especially who not taking cautions. 'Aye taliban, come and spray your hand' a man shouts.    I reach out the hand, first ritual of solidarity, the clean...

Feeling stuck with the writing work to be done. Thinking of doing something else new to take my mind off of the work.  The Sweet Potato roti is on my taste mind. There is some cooked butternut squash in the fridge. The butternut squash has a similar texture to mashed sweet potato.  Can I make something like butternut squash roti?  Nothing too difficult, simple ingredients, and quick. I go to Google. And end up with several suggestions from Kenya for Pumpkin chapoz, chapo malenge, pumpkin chapati. Oil roti But it is not so straight forward. There is a setting time - 30 minutes, and some oiling and so recommended. One person puts on the tawa just so, no oil, another person has each side oiled like how we make paratha roti. Jikoni Magic has a blog about the author's search for the perfect pumpkin chapati. She then has this video.  Mix the dough, let it set, roll out to get the layers, set some more, then put on the tawa. I love the explanation, and the...

The Mauritian woman said that the white sweet potato does not hold moisture the same way. I mash it hot and realise that I need to get it moist like the orange one in the video. I feel like an expert as I try to drop the water in , little at a time. If there was no Covid, I would have been doing some other things related to work. A friend shared the video. First time she trying roti, and she not ordinary, going for the sweet potato roti.  But this is not like the aloo roti which is aloo in place of dhal in the dhal puri. Hot mashed sweet potato.  , with flour and a drop or two of water. It comes together nicely in the basin. I use my hands, the chef said don't knead it too much. I roll in the log, cut the pieces , make the rounds. I roll it out , and it is round, flour there on the surface to stop the sticking. I am rolling carefully , hoping it would not break up. It doesn't I remember my Nanee , back in the days when Burnham banned flour, that she used to grate cass...

Breathing Morning time, sitting in boxers and drinking coffee  and avoiding  the details of the news beyond the headlines. Seeing some posts, type some comments, delete them, feeling the body tensing as I dodge the virus, the racism, the voting recount, the violence and other things Carlotta Marcia is live.  Early morning ritual of breathing with her. A few minutes. Breathing ritual in the morning. I could breathe with her and detach from the madness or I could be drawn into the madness.  And so after the few minutes of breathing, centring.. I am not feeling so bad that I can't change the world right now.  Breathing alone is good, breathing with others is also good. Wondering if all the people at the GECOM Convention centre, if the Chairperson led some collective breathing rituals in the morning, midday and before they go home.. if maybe things would be different. Breathing together rather than separately. Dancing   Kenrick Cheeks has a ...

Scrolling the Facebook feed and I see something about cooking banana skin and I am like what? I start reading and see all kinds of things.. not too ripe, not too green, soak the skin.. etc etc.  I wonder if people mixing up plantain and banana, I mean we use green plantain skin as stain when making abeer at phagwah time. I social distance from other people and contemplate the cayenne banana which more expensive than sweet fig and I think, arite let me try the cayenne banana peel. Time too cook.  I peel one and eat it, and I peel another one and put in freezer.I don't know how to store peels. I see a recipe for curry... a lot of people talking about a bar b que type thing to put as a burger filling, but well curry anything is always good. I didn't see the point about soaking the skin for 30 minutes. I chunkay the curry, put in the skin. Try a thing with some coconut and ginger and so. Nice smell coming out, kind of sweetish too.  It bunjal down quick an...

I look at the small video image of me on the laptop screen and I jump.  I see that I am sitting slumped in the chair with my hands on my head. I hear the voices from adults in my young days... "take your hand down from your head and sit up".. I watch myself in the little video screen follow the instructions in my head. I am distracted for a few seconds from the voice being spoken by the screen with the red band around it The young people agreed to participate in a Zoom conversation on prevention of domestic violence.  I agreed to facilitate online.  In face to face sessions, I would be alert to safety issues for the participants, in case anyone felt the need to disclose their personal experiences with violence. Building a safe environment usually involves some meeting, introductions, facial contact and cues, setting guidelines for the room. I check all the 'teaching' tips and so to get ready. I would plan to speak for about 40 to 50% of the time, ensure t...

Conversation on Facebook with a man I have never met. . Conversations starts with the virus and end up foods we don't normally eat.  He has eaten scorpion and insects and so.. I thinking how to compete. Yard and my hair in need of weeding.  Cracks in the concrete and this year, the pretty weed with the red stems and small leaves and yellow flowers growing.  Pursulane is good for you . There is a local name. I thought the name was karmi bhaj i but karmi bhaji is the one which grows in the trench. I imagine all the animals and so which have walked over the spread. The people say to wash it good.  I pick some, different ages, some with the flowers.  I can't grow anything so is nice to pick things up from the yard to eat. It has a nice smell. There is a  black dust that keeps coming off of the shoots and I get paranoid about dirt. But the black dust particles are the seeds. I eat some raw, clenching my body waiting in case I get some reaction. Ni...

'Aye, come in , is nah churchroad you going'.. the bus driver asks me, red mask hanging around his neck like an accessory.   First time I had traveled with him , I had asked about loud music and turning it down and he had turned it down and turned it up back at me while looking at me with a half smile. Always speeding and dodging and weaving.  And always stopping, no matter how loud the music - and even if I tap my head and tap my heart and my ears to say that I aint able with music, he always insists.. man come in , The last time he said "De police remove de box dem, music arite man, come in, come in' We don't talk much else. Saturday morning, music not so bad.   I say 'you bus look full' . he said.. nah man , look is two to a seat. Public health guidelines had said half the passengers in a bus and no conductor.  Some bus drivers wearing masks. Some bus conductors wearing masks. So I jump in . My face masked sitting two to a seat behind a...

People say stay home so going hunting for plantain chips and nuts and other kinds of crunchies is not an option. Anxiety about essentials and moving quickly through the market and on the road mean forgetting that I will need the plantain chips and nuts and so at some point. The woman who used to sell the golden, thin, crunchy plantain chips has not opened her stall on the days I have visited the market since Elections and then Covid. And I look at other plantain chips and they don't look as crisp and as thin as those which piled up in the cut out bottle on her stall, and also accompanied by nice conversation. And in the anxiety and so when buying and being out to rush back home, so easy to forget to look for plantain chips and nuts. So the crunchies come though. And no pacing can work to ease them. No amount of deep breathing. The tree with the not so nice mangoes is bearing.  Nice when green for achar and mango choka, bland/sweet, soft and stringy when ripe. But gratit...