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Showing posts from September, 2020

Mental wellness and the banana flower...

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 The work extension cannot be granted.  I waited two days thinking that I would resume the pace and finish the work. That if I 'rested' that I could get back on track. Nights were okay. Slept good. Impotence.  Impotence again. Realising something is wrong. Did not understand why on day 1 of the decline why I felt as though I had not slept. Thought of the day ahead, but notice that I was anxious, fidgety.  Can't concentrate. Communicated with some people. Low functioning requirements.    Realised I was doing a mundane task the wrong way. Stopped and thought of what I was doing. Body is paining. Thinking I need to go do the yoga but can't get down on the ground. Shoulder is paining again after a long time. The tools not working. Breathing,thinking one thing at a time. It is too early for them to work. I remember a man telling me, let this pass. You have to not fight, just wait it out. Wishing that I could be productive, while waiting 'it out'. Thinking I have some

Dear Isaiah, Joel and Haresh, thunder is rolling and sun is shining...

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    Dear Isaiah, Joel and Haresh,  Thunder is rolling and sun is shining while I write this and think about you,. and wishing that I could have gone to your killers, and said, chop me instead,  kill me instead and may you drink my blood and find satisfaction. In 2001, citizens killed 10 year old Mervyn Barran and his father in the Enterprise Backdam. You probably never heard of him or his father. In 2003, during another racial crime wave, citizens kidnapped and killed 16 year old Roy Bell. Red Thread had a vigil then afterwards.. and I now think that in the vigil then, it was for those children and adults killed and maimed in violence - from other citizens, from the police, , and for those to come, not yet born. I don't know if any of those citizen killers voted, or if they are like me, they didn't vote. I don't know if they have killed before, or will kill again, it must be easy to chop children. I have a cutlass which I keep just in case, and I hope that my hands could wi