Thoughts of a minibus traveller

I went down to clean the horse dung from the bridge and realised that the purple orchid which I thought had stopped blooming seemed to be alive again. There was this nice mix of purple.. dark and light , greens and blue . The camera though showed some red from other flowers which I had missed. It was a visual sign, a warning really which came as part of a series of event in which careless attention was paid and interesting details which enriched work are missed. The loss of the connection to a loved one lingers - a conversation which went wrong and the feelings that oh hell why did I start this again to end up in this place.. familiar places but which needed deeper thought of moving forward. The reminder that there is no escape as a strange coincidence seems to collide a painful past experience with what should have been interesting ordinary work.  Reconciliation with the pain was not a priority, as much as moving on and away from the people and the events around it. The

by Vidyaratha Kissoon The taxi driver put on the car light and said ‘Not cutting yall, but yall does do computers?” The taxi driver had picked up outside of We Own Space . The driver overheard our conversation about things like the Myers Briggs Personality Types. The taxi driver said he had talked to a girl who had seen outside WeOwnSpace. He had a conversation about seeds and the girl told him where to go and check on the internet about seeds and how seeds grow. He was keen to learn more about computers. A week ago, young journalist Rehana Ahamad was robbed a few feet away from We Own Space. She was leaving her own work place SafeTV. She reported that the robbers seemed to be about her own age (21). One evening about two months ago, I had walked from Rehana Ahamad’s work place while waiting to do a TV programme , along David Rose Street. The place was darkish , and it would have been about the same time of evening that the robbers attacked Rehana

Dear 16 year old me You are going to be even more horrified, appalled and embarrassed than the 35 year old me  that you are going to be writing stupid things like letters to your self instead of meaningful things like software programs and so. Your future looks all set . You have just done well in the CXC exams and the script is playing out. Next set of exams and then University and then work and money. You will have a chance to escape from one of the prisons of your own making. You will find that it does not work out that way.  That fate will work in strange ways that instead of escaping from the prison, you will be more tightly incarcerated in it. You will be healthy . Your mental health will deteriorate but you will learn soon enough how to cope with that. There will be some crises, you will barely survive,  your spirit will take a beating. Academics and studies will not be for the joy of learning, but for finding ways to survive. You will be surprised to learn that foc

The moon is moving. I am angry, which is probably better than feeling down and heavy. The anger though is not good. The things are piling up and I guess I have been angry a long time. I have a cold now.. and breathing deeply is stupid through a runny nose. The piriton seems to be working in weird ways as there is a feeling of heat from within the body.  Eating bananas and oranges and hoping to calm down.. but that isn't working. Fuel.. comes in, the alcohol invitation which I would normally ignore but at some point enough is enough. Trying not to do harm, and then a phone call comes in from a loved one who used to call on the way home and who stopped. It seems i had said something offensive. I send an email which I now regret doing as I was keen to keep space .  The problem with fire is that it rages in ways, smoulders . There must be a way to channel it.. without creating more damage but to perhaps vent until it burns out. I write this publicly as an exercise, as the th

by Vidyaratha Kissoon I stopped drinking to deal with my alcohol problems. It makes sense, that if there is a problem then the source of the problem should be removed. It has been about 20 years or so since I have stopped drinking alcohol. The problem I had was that I would be drinking and thinking of the women who told me about the violence they deal with from drunk men, and that if alcohol was not there, their lives would be better. There is no statistical correlation though between domestic violence and alcohol use as there are people who drink who are not abusive , and people who do not drink who are abusive. The reality though for many people is that in their experience of violence, there is alcohol fuelling it. It became a problem for me to talk about domestic violence and removing alcohol. I stopped drinking to deal with this alcohol problem. I stopped drinking because I could not tell young people not to drink, or wait until they were 18 , while I w

Dear Moon By the time you rose, I should have been finished with this article which has to be very powerful and thought provoking and well researched. I will not be paid for the article . I also have another writing thing due and the two things are mixing up in my head. The two writing things are mixing up in my  head. I have not been able to focus today. The heat and humidity are crazy. The rain did not help. I ate too much junk again,, so could not do the yoga routine which might have helped to focus.. It has been strange.. my plan was to wake up, do my chores and then just sit down and type out the 1500 words while blocking out everything else. But there were important distractions... two massive tasks ahead, none with pay, and then two conversations which did not leave me feeling calm and focus Dear Moon, I should be disciplined.  I know you  have nothing to do with it. I know you might have something to do with the heat and the humidity and with the ebb and flow

(The University of Guyana held Turkeyne & Tain Talks 2 on Monday 12 September, 2016 on Suicide Prevention . Dr Raquel Thomas-Caesar made a presentation based on her experience. This is the text of the presentation) by Raquel Thomas-Caesar I am not an expert on the issue of Suicide and Depression but this is my personal journey dealing with such issues. I have never spoken publicly about this at such a forum and I hope that it serves to help others even if only a small way- Dr Raquel Thomas-Caesar South East London,  June 9, 1995 As I sit under the tree, hidden from all eyes…I wait….to go. I wait to die. Then it hits me…OMG. I really don’t want to die. What have I done? My head is swinging, fuzzy, I can hardly walk. But I barely make it up and up the hill…I see two young black men in the distance…they come towards me, I could only imagine they thought I was on drugs..I beg for help. My Angels.  I wake up in the hospital. This was me- 21 years ago.  In a foreign land, drea

The secret Garden by Maria Lopes (left). Promenade Gardens (right) by Vidyaratha Kissoon “You aint hear about , big Christian, business man he drink poison.. he funeral is sometime.. how dis gun help?” The man laughed when we gave him a suicide prevention leaflet while pointing out the hotline numbers. We had not heard of this case, the media had fortunately been able to spare the family the publicity. There is a futility it seems in believing that things can change and that paradise is possible where no person will want to take their life. The word Paradise apparently comes from Avestan pairidaēza through Old Persian paridaida – words which originally mean ‘walled garden’. The Secret Garden is the title of a painting by Maria Lopes exhibited at the 2016 Burrowes School of Art exhibition. She said that the painting is not of a specific place. The desire though, is familiar to many of us to imagine a garden of flowers, plants and shade, comfort. Mod

Can you see the birds? Place is hot, Two assignments mixing up in my head . One of them requires an image which is not there. Feeling restless, planning, moving, not moving. Man asks.. like you got mental problems.. you look like you studying them. Get up and go and try to get one at the Botanical Gardens. The image is not there. There is a table there , though, with four kiskadees, then five, and a yellow plantain. I don't think I have ever seen so many in one place. Worries forgotten Craving plantain chips or raw nuts. none about though.. sno cone is a fix, with condensed milk. Come out.. place hot, traffic too crazy to cross the road to get a bus so start walking back.. Walking.. remembering walking home from school. Walking past the place where loved one who hasn't called on the way home for a long time would be.. walking and dodging cars. Keep walking..  no plantain chips.. no nuts. Feet moving.. and then end up talking.. woman says 'man, you gah fuh

The National AIDS Programme Secretariat invited submissions for the National Dialogue on HIV and the Law.  I made this submission for consideration by the Steering Committee. Please feel free to share and use as you see fit. Aim: describe the reason for the application (report a complaint , describe a good practice, (maximum 100 words) ) The aim of this submission is to share a good practice from a project implemented by the municipalities of Linden and New Amsterdam in 2014. This project was referred to the UNDP/HIV Cities project. One of the components was raising awareness in stakeholders about the human rights of sex workers , lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) persons and MSM . The Themes could be Sexual orientation and Gender Identity , Sex Work, Stigma and Discrimination and Access to HIV services. There could be other themes. Description of the facts: (maximum 500 words) (All of the views expressed in this submission are