Thoughts of a minibus traveller

Dreams.. Last night I dreamed that there was a spring tide and some river flooded my yard and area with clear clean water. This morning of the 52nd Republic Anniversary of Guyana, part of the yard is flooded as the rain pours. The pumps might be working. At some point last night I remember thinking that maybe the clear clean water meant to wash away things and that no stink x dutty water remains.  I can put the meaning to the dreams as I want. And so as the rain falls , and the water is there waiting to move away..  'Haul dey stink and dutty" The PPP Government is pushing its One Guyana agenda. You either One with them, or not. And then we hear that the PPP Government is having as one of its Unifying One Guyana events for Mashramani, an event Stink X Dutty.  I am neither PPP nor PNC, but I am one with the PPP and PNC and whatever else is left for Guyana.  I check the origins of stink x dutty and see that Machel Montanan and Bunji Garlin have a song.. and referring I...

First time making New Year's Resolutions. The times though seem to call for them. The pandemic continues. The PNC and PPP will intensify divisions in the oil rich democracy as their way of survival is to  destroy each other while the oil exploiters take the oil away and leave debt and inequality behind. 1. Breathing like a corpse  The Savasana pose - the corpse pose- looks like the easiest yoga one.. lie down and breathe while scanning the body to release the tensions. But it is not so easy. The the mind is taken away from things which might seem important to focus on the breath and the body. And so breathing as a corpse, being a corpse is a way of grounding and also being away and detached. And encouraging others to do the same. 2. Sankalp सङ्कल्प) Morning is rough , moon is moving. Feet are sluggish. Deep inside I think as soon as I get home, I need to do the yoga routine. Most outside thinking nah.. go chill out, eat, take a break, place cold. The sankalp, the intention th...

  Lips moving. Lips in smiles and laughs. Lips forming words, easy conversation. Air between the lips filled with the sound of openness. Work, work, family, life. work About sex, attraction.  Possible attraction to each other Work, and work. Lips moving.. nice sounds. easy sounds.. relaxation and connection building. One set of lips saying to another set of lips... both lips smiling.. 'do you want to do something'.. not saying what something is. Lips not smiling and talking about not wanting to be an outside man with lips smiling and saying nothing... but saying' no no.. is not about outside man.. nothing deep' Lips not talking about the racing mind and the surprise and the thoughts of what the hell, this was supposed to be about work. One set of lips talking about promises made not to be the outside man. the other lips smiling.. smiling. Both lips smiling in moving to a place.. one set of lips saying 'you sure no body will see us' and the other set of lips smil...

  (A social media page 'Voices against BHS' was used by students and former students to break silences on the abusive behaviour of some teachers. One of the former students wrote to the school asking for an apology for the abuse. Other former students broke silences on abuse throughout the years. The Bishops' High School teachers went on strike demanding apologies , instead of apologising. Because in Guyana, that is what we do. Due to Covid-19, I imagine this apology which the teachers would give. I attended BHS from 1981 to 1986 and I watched Angelique V Nixon's TedXTalk ; The Elements of Decolonial Healing Justice today)   Dear students and former students  Once again, you have had to highlight the failure of some of our teachers to show respect to you while we teach you and deal with the challenges which some of you bring. We realise that we as a teacher body, have not been held accountable to you the students because in Guyana's history, of slavery and indentur...

 Heard the man call and I looked out. He is 15 minutes early on the Sunday morning. Cap  peak turned backwards, torso without shirt and with tattoos, slippers, pants rolled up, oldish bicycle.  Haversack on his back. Ready to work. First time he has come to work, yard work which I cannot do. He has been working in the neighbourhood for six years or so, we hail up when I pass him.  A couple of times, he is chilling with a spliff and one time I said.. man.. you aint friken you get arrest and he said nah, that is just to keep his head cool..  . We had talked about doing some work but it never happened, but we hailed up every time I passed his work site.   We set the work. He is efficient. We talk a bit about where he lives, his family, about the work he does. ‘I like construction work.. that is what I really do, not this’   I leave him to work. I smell smoke and am thankful that it is tobacco and not marijuana.   He finishes. We chat some more.. noni...

  "I don't tell anyone..  you tell people what you going through .. and they tell you last week they had a headache.." the man tells me.  There had been a pause in our regular lighthearted chat, mostly text. I got a message "a lot going on' and I said let's talk. I am not good with the text chat typing thing in the listening mode. We talk. His voice is a bit different. Voice raised like if he is in a loud environment. Words coming quickly one after another. But he isn't in a loud environment. 'Google prednisone' he tells me. The inflammatory condition has flared up. He had to take the drug 'of last resort' and the side effects - insomnia , mood swings, feeling high energy to do anything, heart racing. "I hope nobody crosses me.. ",  He had told me of the ways he lived with the condition, adjusting life, taking precautions and so and being social and functioning.   He did not tell me  or anyone else about the flare up or the effe...

"We applaud Prime Minister Mottley’s leadership, stewardship and partnership with Caribbean states. We commend her, on her assumption of the office of Chairman of the Conference of Heads of Government of the Caribbean Community, for her long-established commitment to Caribbean integration,” President David Granger of Guyana on giving the Order of Roraima to Prime Minister Mia Mottley in February 2020 "“I firstly simply want to say thank you, because I accept this honour, not on my own behalf but on behalf of the people of Barbados. I am conscious that it is the people of our country in Barbados over the course of centuries that have worked with the people of Guyana.” … “The path of our two countries is inseparable and I look forward to our being able to build Mr. President, on that relationship,” P rime Minister Mia Mottley receiving the Order of Roraima from President Granger in February, 2020 Burnham Forbes Burnham was President for life of Guyana ...

Using madness to survive the madness of Guyana 2020 - elections, Covid, and re-writing a National Pledge even though I am not a patriot and don't love Guyana I pledge myself to honor always the Flag of Guyana , the struggles and celebrations of my ancestors - all of them , not just the ones on my family tree and to be loyal to my country, accountable to everybody , and to hold them accountable to be obedient to the laws of Guyana, of the Universe, to sustain the Earth, to recognise that I am part of a Universal whole to love  understand  - my fellow citizens, to work with them to overcome the fears at the root of their prejudices , to create connections with them and to dedicate my energies towards the happiness and prosperity of Guyana."   working for justice and equality while taking care of my mental and spiritual health and well being. ( AntivirusGy is a collection of ramblings on things which have changed since Covid 19 entered our vo...

Image by Niek Verlaan from Pixabay "You could come. We here" - firm and confident voice of my co-conspirator. I was fed up. My head is heavy.  Every time I look in the mirror , I see the image of a man with the heavy head. I can't ease the burden alone. I know the risk. The place I will meet with the man on the phone and other people might be under surveillance. It is a place that is illegal to open But freedom and liberation require risk taking. I tie the cloth on my face to mask and go down to the place. Feeling anxious, scared, hopeful that I could be free from the burden. I open the door of the place. People there.  Everyone in masks. I am the only one with a cloth on my face. Shoots.. I am standing out.  Hearing the curses of the health officials in my head about the men especially who not taking cautions. 'Aye taliban, come and spray your hand' a man shouts.    I reach out the hand, first ritual of solidarity, the clean...

"... your silence will not protect you.. "  Audre Lorde  " One who is equal to friends and enemies, who is equiposed in honor and dishonor, heat and cold, happiness and distress, fame and infamy, who is always free from contamination, always silent and satisfied with anything, who doesn't care for any residence, who is fixed in knowledge and engaged in devotional service, is very dear to Me ." Bhagvad Gita, Chapter 12 V 18-19 "“In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.." Octavia E Butler, Parable of the Sower Mixed, coolie "Man Vidya, you aint easy" the 2012 census enumerator tells me after I tell her to put Mixed for me on the census form after indicating my parents are both "East Indian". I use the word 'coolie'. I know it is loaded with hate , contempt, used to enforce division. But black and coolie when talking about Guyana's 'major ethnic groups' is easier for me to...

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay The last couple of weeks, people have invited me to give feedback on different things - animated video, docu-drama video, literature review for an academic paper, poetry (indirectly), a piece of journalism.  The easiest thing to do is to point out any typos or grammatical changes. It is more difficult though to explain beyond 'I think it is nice' or 'I like it but.. " These are the lessons I have learned and applied. 1.  Do no harm, maintain relationships I don't give unsolicited feedback , except to point out typos and so in work which has been published by people I know who appreciate the corrections.  Some people who I have a goodish, cordial relationship with might ask for feedback on their work. I would not give feedback on the work if I think the feedback will damage the relationship. I will explain that I am not qualified, or I am not informed enough or that I don't want to engage in the subject of the w...

Dear President Granger, I am a sinner and have no integrity and some people think I am racial and I have lied and cheated and hurt loved ones and so on but in May 2015 I was really really happy that at your swearing in , you chose not to wear a suit and I used to keep watching you to see if you  would ever wear a suit and tie. I declare that I am not a good person and I know people gun start saying 'who is me fuh talk and so on'. I have never voted for you or the PNC or the PPP, but I have paid taxes and have protested often without any results.  Protested the PPP and the your Governments and the institutions. My nerves can't handle the COVID and the elections and today me and another guy talked about writing about we could do to help with mental health. But then, fear on my mind. I got friken last night though, when I read this statement from you which said you were 'deeply disappointed' that the CARICOM team has left. Friken because I thought yo...

I see the name in the inbox and the ?.  A simple question, about the blog.  I send the link. It has been months of shunning.  I have breathed so I answer as I deal with any other question. I delete the conversation.  With ordinary love, I could go into a string of how are yous and so on. But this is not ordinary love. Neither of us voted, different reasons though. I am thinking love, doing love. I see inbox again. Then a few lines detailing the problems we have had. I am the monster. How does a monster do love? I breathe. I start typing to challenge each line, much like h ow the politicians go back and forth on history on who is right and who is wrong. And I say, no , you love yourself first. And nothing will change, Nothing has changed. I breathe. I feel calm as I type 'I don't know what to say' Reply comes in 'Don't say anything' I type a nice ending 'I wish you the best' and delete the conversation. Love  ebbed and g...

Body pain Morning after the first case of Coronavirus is reported in Guyana and my body feels stiff all over and moving is difficult. Throat is dry and I cough and I think of where I have been, who I have sat next to. I wanted to make a post about the Coronavirus thing now makes Elections 2020 Guyana more stressful, and a snide comment about how gatherings to celebrate or protest the projected results from GECOM are not going to be healthy. I drink the diclofenac tablet. I don't want to, but I don't want to keep feeling stiff. I do the chores, bending and stretching, but it is funny how the body moves but the pain and stiffness remain. It is all in my head and soul I know, the thing I frighten about this virus is not about me getting sick, but about me passing it on to other people especially the elderly person I interact with daily. Buying water, touching elbows  I see  a car passing and a man is wearing a face mask. Bus comes up, and one passenger has the mas...

I did not vote in Guyana's Elections 2020 but ... I see that a few of the palm seeds and mango seeds and other seeds that are falling in the yard are germinating  I am fascinated and want to know more more about the Russians and the Libyan who came to Guyana, stayed at the Marriot and were deported.. I mean.. the Jason Bourne in me knows that us agents of mischief go and hide in safe houses and come in undercover and so on.. , like how the Brazillian landed at Rumzeigh t..  I remembern the elections specialist telling me before the elections that verification is not really required, should not be required since everybody has a copy of the statements of poll and adding should be straightforward so the verification process is part of trust building.. not required by law.And I go check the law , and realise that they didn't legislate trust and love and transparency and dem tings I have to figure out a way to extract these two seedlings from the concrete cracks  I...

Gay love Settling down with coffee and about to delete the mass messages and I see a hail up from a man, an intelligent man, and I not sure what to say in response because I aint able talk about who elections and so. The man though, is not talking about elections but his struggles with his sexuality and emotional attractions to other men.  And as far as I know, this man has been dealing with these struggles since the PNC was first in power, then through the PPP and now again under the PNC. But he says, he manages, everyone has personal struggles and this is his own one.. and while a lot of people anxious about elections.. gay love is on this man's mind.  And I imagine all the people at all the rallies, and in the lines to vote and on facebook flaring up.. do the elections provide some kind of temporary distraction from their personal struggles? Do the gay PPP supporters and the gay PNC supporters forget about their gayness and  homophobia and how the love is forb...

Afternoon of a Sunday which started with a lot of rain and there is a gathering of people to talk about  the right to dignified lives in Guyana.  Dignified life far from my mind as I choose a minibus with loud music so as not to be late - those of us who don't like noise often have to give in to those who believe noise with a deep pounding bass is part of the good life. But I choose my oppression for the short journey. Gays and the dignified life.. The Faculty of Law - University of the West Indies Rights Advocacy Project (U-RAP) j oined with Red Thread and other organisations to host the event. The constitutional challenge to Guyana's cross dressing laws provided the background to the discussion. In 2010, Candacy (Gulliver) McEwan , I sabella (Seyon) Persaud, Pheches (Joseph) Fraser and Angel Clarke with SASOD filed a constitutional challenge to the cross dressing laws in Guyana. In 2018, the Caribbean Court of Justice struck down the laws," stating “No on...