Thoughts of a minibus traveller

L - image from Nigel Niix Butler; R- Image from Dominic Fernandes   Mouth..  Dominic Fernandes showed the man the Pledge by Men to End Violence against Women and Girls . The man said 'I don't do dem things.. me mout aint got cover, if I see any man being like duh I would holler pun he'.  Hot Thursday afternoon, first groundings since December 2024. Books laid out on an old freezer left near avenue, or owned by a cool down vendor. Hot dog stand opposite in front of the GRA building. Sherlina Nageer, Dominic Fernandes, Nigel Niix Butler and I  started on the Camp Street Avenue.   Sherlina leading on the discussions about access to safe abortion  . Dominic, Nigel and I engaging men about the pledge to end violence and about questioning ways of being a man generally.  Nigel set up two stools and started painting when we moved to the nice cool spot at Camp and Robb Street.  Groundings now evolving - Rodney; books and gaff;, books, poems and gaff; ...

Denisse Tramolao , CC BY-SA 4.0 , via Wikimedia Commons Red Shoes on the seawall  "You know this violence getting worse, this place getting more violent" the teacher told me as we ate ice cream on the seawall. There is a nice breeze, not too cool, and ice-cream was cooling. We were watching on a bit, far from the  The Women and Gender Equality Commission and Civil Society National Reference Group hosted a Red Shoe event on the Kingston Seawalls on 25 November, 2024 as part of activities to commemorate the 16 Days of activism against gender-based violence. In 2 009, Mexican artist Elina Chauvet   created an installation of red shoes- zapotos rojas- to remember Mexican women who were killed in Juárez, Mexico. Since then the event has been replicated in other countries as part of the activism against gender-based violence. In the minibus to the seawall, driver was playing music where DJ was talking about battyboy and how he not into violence but self defence (against battyb...

(This is not a review of Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson )  Guard The business place invited me and a lot of others to come  and do a transaction so we could continue doing business with them.  A lot of us probably would go elsewhere but like so many relationships which are bad, leaving is not always easier than staying. I pass one guard , not really seeing him as he is shorter than me and he tells me to go to 'the woman there' .. "the woman there" - another security guard, smiling , polite, tells me 'don't worry it wouldn't take long', relaxed stance.",, and 'you here , might as well stay.." when I realise that I am in the black hole of customer waiting. Sit down and take out Open Water.  I have started, stopped, started many times since I got it over a year ago. Place nice and cool with the AC, some children running around.  TV has cricket India and Bangladesh silent silent. Ads and so for 'NRIs' .. and loans and so. Radio ...

  (This is not a review of either ' Pleasantview' by Celeste Mohammed or ' What storm what Thunder' by Myriam J. A Chancy There might be some spoilers )  Domestic workers May Day morning and I stand with Red Thread for an hour or so to make up for the privilege which includes being in a book club where we discussed two books the day before.  Red Thread is part of the Caribbean Domestic Workers Network   .  Red Thread and the Network use May Day to advocate for rights of domestic workers and to highlight the value of caring work.  We chat about caring work, experiences of domestic workers, women who work as security guards while we wait for the May Day parade to pass. The conversation about domestic workers' experiences is similar to what Sonia says in What Storm What Thunder "My mother had always told me that she wanted me to do something more with my life than work in a rich man’s house. It was too much work, she said, tiring work, she who had worked as...

  Bus pulls up with driver alone and I am glad to stumble in the front seat to half lie half sit down. I hear the driver's reply to the morning from the body which dealing with stomach bug.  Kind of short reply, polite. Radio playing Bus drives pass a man, and then stops after man waves hand from behind the bus. Man jumps in the bus. 'Sorry, I was on phone.... morning' Me and driver mumble morning. Man asks from the back 'You from Nigeria'.. My mind shifts from the stomach to the driver's response and curiosity about man from oil producing Nigeria coming to oil producing Guyana to join the minibus madness on the roads . Driver gives a quiet, 'yes'.. Man in the back says 'You bring any Nigerian girls wid you.. dem woman tick and nice' Driver is silent for a bit.. says 'I don't understand what you ask..' I want to know about transition from Nigeria to Guyana and trying to establish some brotherhood of the enjoyment of oil money..  man i...

  Man talk Conductor shouts "Kitty" and I jump in front seat, say 'morning' to young driver. Black driver and coolie conductor and I take note because there are places apart from the PPP and the PNC where black men and coolie men work together in harmony and love. Commotion at the back as conductor trying to full bus and ask a woman to move to another seat. Woman refuses as she and the commotion escalates with the conductor shouting about this 'big woman want mek problems.' My neck hurting so I don't turn back and I just listen.  Driver muttering next to me as he driving and Christmas season road busy. The woman 'busing.. people in the bus muttering, laughing at some of the woman's insults, and comments about 'like she need spice'  Woman reaches her stop. The bus fare and other words exchanged between her and the conductor.  Woman has come out of the bus, but the driver and the conductor keep cussing the woman. Young black man to the young ...

    Nice men A man in his thirties kills himself and his wife.    My social media friends has a whole set of shock and condolences, disbelief.. for the man who was a nice helpful sociable man who was kind to many other people.    There are hints of 'she mussee do somethign fuh mek he trip out'..    Other nice polite men, helpful men, powerful men are abusers , but people still vote for them, put them as the leaders. The nice army man. The nice Minister of Health who people voted back in power. The nice President now Vice-President. The other Ministers and politicians and church leaders and business leaders and entertainers and activists for democracy and so on.   Some of the nice men join with President Ali's Men on Mission.   The University of Guyana hosted a forum on 2 December, 2022 to talk about men ending gender based violence.  The questions which they hoped the panel would answer included:   What role do you feel men sho...

Navratri A clear night one Navratri. Beautiful satsangh in a beautiful mandir.  Mandir created as so many others in Guyana out of community desire for sacred space. Our Hindu ancestors came and land was set aside and made holy. Navratri celebrations are popular.  We sang that night in the Ramayana Gole, like the ancestors.  Young pandit, young people seem to be leading things. The blessing in connection, not so much to Shakti, the Divine Feminine energy, but to the ancestors who sustained belief in that Energy. Come out at the back of the mandir to look at the sky. See the smouldering pile.  Styrofoam boxes.. slowly burning.. huge pile.. plastic containers also burning. Wish I could say something. I don't know the people though. Host, guest relationship. Similar issues around as the generosity of the mandir hosts , the new technology of the disposable 'sanitary' , the noise, the murtis out of plastic, means around the world that Hindu festivals now create environment...

  Dear Penis, the recent deaths by suicide of men are on my mind. In the last two months, I am aware of about seven deaths by suicide, five of men - four of them - men my age group. I know two of the men - men almost like me, connected in some way to community, Hindu, 50 + and who would have said 'okay' if anybody had asked them how they doing. It seems like while dealing with the pandemic and the floods, that we continue to have deaths by suicide and that we are heading back to 2014 when Guyana had the highest rate of suicide in the world. The society in Guyana had then tried to respond and there were groups and so who did public education work. Covid-19 and so on have probably limited some of this work now. Dear Penis, are there more people who are thinking about, attempting  and dying by suicide that we know about? And is there a problem  and like most problems affecting us, your owners, we are not going to do something about it? What the hell going on Penis? I learned...

 Heard the man call and I looked out. He is 15 minutes early on the Sunday morning. Cap  peak turned backwards, torso without shirt and with tattoos, slippers, pants rolled up, oldish bicycle.  Haversack on his back. Ready to work. First time he has come to work, yard work which I cannot do. He has been working in the neighbourhood for six years or so, we hail up when I pass him.  A couple of times, he is chilling with a spliff and one time I said.. man.. you aint friken you get arrest and he said nah, that is just to keep his head cool..  . We had talked about doing some work but it never happened, but we hailed up every time I passed his work site.   We set the work. He is efficient. We talk a bit about where he lives, his family, about the work he does. ‘I like construction work.. that is what I really do, not this’   I leave him to work. I smell smoke and am thankful that it is tobacco and not marijuana.   He finishes. We chat some more.. noni...

Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay Psst, hey man,psst, run away from your rightful place Run away from that place man to the wrongful place where men in leadership don't  want you to go Psst, hey man,psst, run away from your rightful place there shouting 'white/fat/chineee/red/fine/sexy/whatever comes to your mind at the girl or woman  walking on the road.  Run away from that place man to the wrongful place where men in leadership don't  want you to go, to that place  where any woman, human being should feel safe to walk down the road . Yeah, I know , many of us voted for men who have contempt for women. Psst, hey man,psst, run away from your rightful place where you watch other men harassing women  or any other person they think is not like them, watching like how I watch sometimes without saying anything because you not sure if to fight or to become involved in the fight or to mind your own business. Run away from that place man...

Images from Pixabay Is a 12 minute walk or 4 minute bus drive and I am in a hurry. A bus stops near me. A woman about my age comes out of the front seat. Young man moves from the jump seat to the front seat. I go to the front door. "Nah nah, two man can't sit in front.." An older man had told me before in another that two man can't sit in front. When I told some 14 year old boys about the incident, they laughed and said..nah.. nah that is extreme, he got insecurities. Conductor comes out and I jump in the front seat near to him. I say "So driver , man, what gun happen, if i sit down deh, yall gun turn gay" "I am gay.. " bus driver says.  Front seat passenger looks at him funnily. Conductor laughs awkardly. I laugh and say so man, what gun happen if I sit down. "I aint want turn you gay " bus driver tells me "But how you aint know I aint gay already".... "This is a gay bus.." driver says I...

"Women don't want men to be emotionally vulnerable...women want strong men.." was a message from a video of two men talking about women and the men who might talk about their emotions (apart from anger, rage and lust).  I like to think that I am open with my emotions, too open most times to the point of being a bore to whoever is listening. But I have not locked down though , even though I know a few people probably wish I could. Here are the lessons on my mind 1. Risk I tell a man I am tired about the caregiving duties and the man yells at me, curses, calls me a hypocrite. The buse out leaves me tired, fatigued and I tell another man , an almost stranger, the next day I wish I was dead and the man tells me not to worry, take it easy 'dont tink about duh' Yeah, it is a risk to be emotionally vulnerable, to talk about how you feeling and about pain, trauma, and about fears. It is a risk to express emotions other than anger and rage (or selective sadness ...

The man fixes his workspace. A folding chair, back legs missing. He braces the chair on the folded door of the store. He has a piece of wood tucked at the bottom of the seat. The piece of wood will form a kind of third leg to balance the chair.  He puts his bag on the chair.   He has a bundle, dark reddish brown cloth. There are some umbrellas, some ribs. He puts the bundle on the cardboard which might be on to of another box. This is his work bench .  His face is set, no smile. He does not look at me. He takes out his tools and lays them on the cardboard.  A knife, white handle, blade with edge slightly curved in from repeated sharpening.  Black thread. Tarnished pliers. Some wire. He takes the umbrella from me. He does not say anything. Opens the umbrella and examines it. Realises that he has forgotten somethings in the storage space in the 'crack' between the two stores. He gives me back the umbrella. Gets up. Says nothing. I stand waiting ther...

The recipe for the corn meal hotcakes called for 1 egg and for 1 cup of milk. I had two almost rotten bananas which I had put in the freezer to use as a substitute. 1/4 cup of the mashed banana for the egg with some baking soda.  I mixed the remainder of the banana with some watery coconut milk to substitute for the milk.   (Banana milk - banana blended with water - is a vegan thing) My late aunt's receipe for the tomato/onion stew called for milk. I decided to use coconut milk. Feeling nice and self righteous to make the meal vegan.  All to see if I could get some erectile function even if I have no use for an erection beyond to know if my blood was flowing well. The documentary,  The Game Changer s., tells the story of a lot of male athletes and two females who are vegan. They said their exercise and sports performance improved, increased energy, blood flow when they changed their diet to fully plant based. I am not an athlete , though I am sure ...

Screenshot from Chitthiye video "My sister is queer.. I don't know what she will do" the young man of Indian origins told me , in a quiet matter-of-fact way. He and his family were returning to India. I am thinking of his sister, and him as I laughed and went 'Wow' and got angry several times watching  Ek ladki ko dekha to aisa laga. The film does not have any hot Lesbian love scenes.  And they do not kill off the lesbians like what happened in Fire. There is a hint of the heroine 'ending it all' , a Bollywood theme. The film is about, Sweety,  a woman who loves a woman,  and her relationship with different men and her grandmother who love her.  The director Shelly Chopra Dhar said this was not meant to be an LGBTQ love story. There are stories about LGBTQ characters in Indian cinema, and some love stories. Many of them end with death, as happens in real life. There are some poweful moments in the dialogue, laughter and wit generated in som...

The work.. I am feeling embarrassed. The invitation to the Caribbean Cyberfeminisms Conference says "We have reviewed your relevant work and we find it an experienced voice that will potentially add much to our conversations" The invitation refers to this blog. I have written  more about dealing with the mental health issues and about food on the blog than about loving women/loving men which is the label I use for writing about gender. And I have not done much offline for gender justice.  The writing on the blog is kind of my rambling, a kind of cop out in the recent years as I had to deal with other things and could not deal with organisations, movements or people.   Last Navratra I wrote to my Hindu brothers because in real life, I am not engaged with the Hindu community , especially the men, to challenge the community to overcome sexism. I also write to food, to the moon and to myself . Writing when you know that no one is really listening. Carib...