Thoughts of a minibus traveller

Image from http://www.healthy-heart-meditation.com/sufi-heart.html Breezy West Coast night. The powerful violinist playing and the breeze carrying the notes. Children playing and laughing. Families, Many women, some in hijab, some not. Anna Catherina Islamic Complex  compound. Sufism  is not widely practiced in our traditions in Guyana. Sufi music is known perhaps through Bollywood. The person who keeps reading Rumi is one of my atheist friends of Muslim extraction who is active in fighting against injustice . The High Commission  of India, the  Anna Catherina Islamic Complex   and others hosted Indira Naik and a troupe of excellent musicians in a crazy week. A week when the country had to deal with the PPP continued destruction of values which many had hoped had died away with Burnham The stage is a symbol of coolie creativity - the trailer owned by the Hindu man decorated and serving the purpose The man next to me wondered '...

Orange peel has more flavour than the orange juice and so a piece of orange peel soaking with the tea bag, and then milk and picking up the sugar bottle and putting it down back again and then saying to hell with it, and two spoons of sugar and relief.. Relief from anxiety about cooking and hoping that the cooking works as the diet requirements are complicated - stomach, taste - diabetic diahorrea/constipation, retching, cooking times. Relief from anxiety about crises which might or might not come forward, and relief from the idea that bad thoughts would come 'true' so don't imagine thing Relief from anxiety about the inability to constantly change plans and adjust or anxiety about readiness for immediate changes Relief from feeling funny at facing people who you can longer talk to because you cannot listen to them as you work out in your head all the things which have to be done Relief from walking on egg shells as to deal with latent violence around - in peo...

The favourite chocolate cake is made throughout the year - birthdays are usually the excuse or just like duh. The recipe has been amended - the butter milk replaced with soured milk or yoghurt, the self-raising flour replaced with a complex ratio of salt:bakingpowder:bakingsoda:flour and recently the 2 eggs with 1/2 cup crushed banana and a pinch of baking soda and maybe some extra sugar.  Baking time is not 350 degrees .. only until the cake raise and then the heat lowered a bit if the edges are cooking first . There is an extra lift given with the stick of Northwest Cocoa Sticks grated in. So with the cake, so with life... there might be recipes and instructions, but they can be changed. Heat has to be adjusted. Things can be added. Cakes are made and eaten. They are temporary really as with many things in life and also as with life itself which also ends. Chocolate Cake though,  unlike life, can easily be savoured and enjoyed for a long time.

  Now that mid-forties hit me and with all the pain and so on about, I think it is time to organise some rules of etikwette and manners and so. Knife and fork - I will not eat with knife and fork again and I will not go anywhere where I think I have to eat with knife and fork - unless I getting paid. In fact, these days I tend to say no to lunch and dinner invitations because I am finding it more awkward to eat if is not my plate in front of the TV. I say yes to dessert though because spoon is still easy to use. Eating with fingers is complicated, I can't eat any and everywhere any more especially if they have people around who might pay me as sometimes the food ends up above knuckles on the fingers.  And I clumsy bad, food always falling out the side of my mouth and off the plate and so. Ties - I will not go anywhere with a dress code and I will not wear a tie - even if I am being paid. No more ties. No more Cultural Centre until the drop the dress code. White Lies ...

Place hot and a hot Orange Bus pull up wid dark tint windows and black trimmings.. Party Cup pun de screen I know is a risk I teking.. I siddown next to an old man in short pants and nice hat and shirt .. one ah dem man who still gat style.. bus playing music and I hear 'bad man put up yuh han, and baby fadder put up yuh han and all dem who doan use candam is bad man and ting like dat ( suh much fuh de HIV money ) Driver hit Vlissengen Rd and next ting yuh know he speeding down and well.. place hat and I aint notice but old man in de hat holler at de driver.. slow down you have ol people in de bus. Old lady in seat in front of me and young lady in de jump seat. Bad man driver raise de music and ol man shout louder and driver cussing back.. so you hearing f..k old peole. 'raise yuh hand .. bad gyurl, win down'.. u mudda sk..t. slow down de bus yuh want kill we and de conductor looking nervously round de bus fuh see if anybody else gun cuss. Bad man driver fiddli...

A young woman said she would encourage any body in an abusive situation to pray and fast and then seek guidance. A pandit said that if Hindus knew their religion well, then the profile of the person who most likely to commit suicide would not be Hindu/East Indian/coolie male.  Some concerned non-Hindus wonder if it is the reincarnation thing which make so many Hindus want to kill themselves, but I think that for many persons, it is the end of the troubles in this life which is of more concern rather than the next one. We hear that bad things happen to people who do not pray or who do not pray hard enough and good things happen to people who pray or pray well. When good things happen to bad people it is probably because they are er devil worshippers or something like that. It is nice to have someone to go ask for things and to have faith that good will happen and so and to enjoy the rituals which go along with this asking and thanking and seeking of whatever. I don't ask Go...

 ( This article was published in the Stabroek News of 20 October, 2014 In the Diaspora column . It is reproduced here with links to related to content) Tears came to Clive’s eyes as he talked about the girl who had told him about her father’s abusive behaviour. The girl had asked him why he was wearing the purple corsage. He told her about the domestic violence forum which he had just attended. Clive did not expect her story of surviving her father’s violent behaviour. The forum was organised by the Institute for Women, Gender and Development Studies (IWGDS) at Anton de Kom University of Suriname (ADK) as part of their activities for International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women in November 2013. The forum was organised to raise awareness about domestic violence and other forms of gender based violence. The panel consisted of a judge, a member of the NGO community, and other community experts in Suriname who work against domestic violence and other forms...

In a place in which human beings seem to want to cuss up more readily than trying to be nice, it is a surprise when you meet a conductor who respond to the good afternoon.. and is a conductor who rum perfume still smelling and who shirt could mix wid lil soap powder. De man recognise me from somewhere though and keep meking eye contact and suh every time somebody come in de bus. A lady pun she cell phone "i going down by Courts fuh pay dis money' and conductor saying some words to me dat I aint understand. When de lady come out de bus, he say "wha' wrang wid she.. is a public place, is suh yuh money does get tief, when you advertise' (I recall when I ketch sight of a blackberry whatsapp message thing wid a lady saying she got de $30,000 and now coming wid it. I also recall anodda time when a lady in a bus on de cell phone seh she deh in a taxi coming so .. ) I tell de man, nah man, you bus aint gun gat tief man in it. He seh.. nah,, people doan understand f...

de bifocal glasses doan always wuk but when I see de man come up I realise he bald he head and he had a lil beard. dis ting bout locks.. i is a straight hair coolie man who glad dat wid odder tings falling apart, de hair still deh and I am fascinated by how black men and douglah men and coolie men and white men plait and do hair in locks. And I know woman talking bout hair and false hair and suh.. and dis tho' is like a man ting.. either is hair, or no damn hair.. no worries bout fake hair and dem ting So de fus ting dat come to mind is shoots, de man get a big wuk and had to shine he head and i glad fuh he dat he get a big wuk but wondering bout all dem years (8 years he seh) dat it tek fuh grow de locks And I aint know.. someting come to mind bout investment in locks, time, image, consciousness all now shaved off and well.. dey gone. I doan like see man in locks wearing suit and tie - and i wondering if my man here wid his big wuk.. gun wear suit and tie.. someting so con...

A woman told me that when she came off her depression meds, she started to do the little tasks she had been ignoring and paying more attention to her surroundings. A critical aspect of managing mental health and depression is being able to work with routine . Sometimes though, routine is not possible and work is needed to adjust to rapidly changing circumstances. So while managing the dark clouds. and not dwelling on the things which did not work out. I could laugh at some of the things which worked.. 1. Resisting cravings for sugar, letting off steam The bottle of white sugar on the table is there.. easily accessible. Sweet cocoa on my mind and sweet biscuits and sweet tea with orange peel and nutmeg. But I made a resolution, no sugar for awhile. And every time I reach out and pull my hand back I feel good. Other sugar things around.. there is a chocolate biscuit twice which I say no to, and vermicelli cake sent for me 'because I like sweet'. Other cravings, at   time...

Sijan and alloo curry The woman stood near the fish vendors at Mon Repos market and shouted 'Sijan fuh de fish curry'. Mon Repos Market is always complicated to buy fish - the bhajans loudly playing tend to remind you to question whether the carcass indulgence is legitimate and the consequences of all this in the larger scheme of things. I looked at the woman's "Hundred for a bundle" and walked away and thought about it and walked back and bought a Hundred, not sure whether I could figure out coconut milk and how to manage different tastes and so on but had visions of putting the sijan in fish curry which I planned to cook also for the first time. Caregiving duties are managed barely, but the being healthy to be a good caregiver is posing a great challenge as the body and mind seem to want to go in other directions. Sugar for the mind and diclofenac for the body and things seem to be on track. Monday also brings up circumstances which requires vege ea...

"Don't put whole geera in the curry, please" my mother instruced as I started the second day of 100% responsibility for cooking at a time when I wanted to just lie down and not move. "And no ginger either".. The part of the mind which struggles with the dense clouds seeks things to do - the colours in the market and the colours of food help and then the anticipation that somethings can still be done well even though there is the risk of failure to add to the sense of heaviness. And so potato and channa curry, my favourite.. with the ginger which is not liked by all - I have to cook the potato curry with the skin one day again. And then for the first time saijan, coconut milk.. cooking two pots, one with the whole geera and the ginger , and the other without . Cooking takes time and there is mental energy, the anxiety that it will taste okay and that things will not be wasted. Then the roti dough, mixed too soft.. but there is a kind of meditative practi...

A recent gaff about suicide prevention and it was clear that there is a futility in the education programmes since outside of Georgetown, there is limited support services which could respond to a person who would want someone to listen. Managing depression involves finding helping resources. It can be confusing to friends and acquaintances.. the desire to be alone and not have to talk about stuff while also wanting to be in some human company which is not frustrated by feeling helpless to raise the spirits. I am grateful for the people I consider friends even as I know that I have to manage how much I tell them and when I talk to them. Some of my friends have their own issues they are dealing with and well meaning as we are as human beings, there are limits to how much depression talk anybody could deal with especially if people seem to be in a rut. Some friendships can strain if co-dependence develops and it is better to end those amicably without putting pressure. I was fortu...

Two bookmarks in Coolie Woman I had the book since May. My mother read the book first,  then my father read it after - I think this must be the only book that all three of us have read.I  had dipped into it but  I am not sure why I did not start reading it properly - from cover to cover.  This is not a review of Coolie Woman : The Odyssey of Indenture by Gaiutra Bahadur . It is a long ramble, a tribute I think. Navratra Navratra is a nine-night festival when Hindus worship the divine Mother,  Shakti the creative force.  I opened the book around the start of Navratra in September. During Navratra, the Ramayana Gole goes to mandir most nights to sing.  There are more women in the mandir than men. I dread the katha time though, because sometimes the sexist crap comes out of the pandit. And so I spend a lot of my Navratra policing which crap comes out and from who, rather than engaged in devotion per se.  It is getting better though an...

Minibus rides, social events, meetings , toilet, early morning and sleepless periods in the night are the times when I have these conversations in my head. As an attempt to structure my madness, I sorted out the types of conversations I have in my head. 1. Conversations with myself in my head I talk to myself a lot, usually things like get up, move, stop crying, oh lord turn away don't stare so, and go for it and congratulations  you did not eat the jam or don't worry, you ate the jam but tomorrow you will not eat the jam. The conversations are mostly one sided, as I never reply to the voice in my head telling me these things. These happen all the time. 2. One sided conversations, speeches, blogs, letters, emails  Many people's Nobel Prize acceptance speeches are famous - some are nice and long and often quoted. Others are short. I never get beyond the first two lines of my acceptance speech. My Oscar acceptance speeches I get lost at the people I would want to th...