Finding someone to talk to... and who could listen..

A recent gaff about suicide prevention and it was clear that there is a futility in the education programmes since outside of Georgetown, there is limited support services which could respond to a person who would want someone to listen.

Managing depression involves finding helping resources. It can be confusing to friends and acquaintances.. the desire to be alone and not have to talk about stuff while also wanting to be in some human company which is not frustrated by feeling helpless to raise the spirits.

I am grateful for the people I consider friends even as I know that I have to manage how much I tell them and when I talk to them. Some of my friends have their own issues they are dealing with and well meaning as we are as human beings, there are limits to how much depression talk anybody could deal with especially if people seem to be in a rut. Some friendships can strain if co-dependence develops and it is better to end those amicably without putting pressure.

I was fortunate to have been exposed to counselling training and so far, even though I do not formally counsel , I have had conversations with people using those skills. The skills focus on listening, an art which is very different from advising and prescribing and judging.
The people have found the conversations useful when they needed it even if they would have ignored any referrals I would have made to formal counseling.
It has been difficult sometimes explaining to people that I avoid groups and events where it is mandatory to be sociable .

Some people are surprised when I reply to 'How are you' with 'I am managing mental health issues'. There is usually a quick .. oh okay, and then a kind of withdrawing and 'I aint able hear no more'


During the low points it is easier to just withdraw and not have to put on masks. Sometimes it is good to have conversations related to tasks and other things rather than feelings and emotions. It is important to recognise who are the people who you could reach out to , and to also understand when those persons might not be able to listen or 'tek you on' for that moment.

Strangers are good to talk to - I remember almost crying to a taxi driver one night.. he did speed up a bit - after an episode which triggered some despondency.

I also remember an hour long gaff with a taxi driver who had blood on his face from a cut from his ex-girlfriend who broke a bottle to hit out at him in revenge for what he had done to her. I have sent long emails to people and asked them not to bother replying or even reading.. that the act of writing the email is a kind of letting out.

There are enough examples of bad listening - saying 'what you have to be depressed about', 'you and this stupidness again', 'why don't you leave', 'come and pray', 'i also have bad feelings.. let me tell you about them.. " ..  these are the things (or kind of things) which have been good at the low points when I have tried to seek people out..

• Would you like to go for a walk..  (activity is important, serotonin and sometimes walking without saying a word or just pointing out things.. )
• What would you like me to do?  (gives a chance to think through options.. )
• Would you like cake? Ice cream?
• You have passed through before, you will get through again
• Could you help me with.. (yep. sounds stupid.. but there are times when small tasks which could be completed create a sense of accomplishment - I have been asked for information which was not used, etc but in the fog which clouds the mind, there is a light to being useful
• I cannot listen to you or support you at this time..  (yep.. this honesty is important rather than saying and doing things which result in misunderstandings and frustrations )