Thoughts of a minibus traveller

A man once told me that I always see the negative in things and express them and today I was gently reminded when I was told about my "narrative of disappointment" about CSA,  I was also a bit ashamed when in an email exchange about my whinges with one of the organisers, she referred to the possibility of hopeful stories .. A lot of good things happened to me, maybe the best thing was being thrown into the unfamiliar and the uncertain and having to adjust which I did not do.. but that is part of living. While I grouched about no internet in the room, i took up space in the reception lobby and as a result probably had more conversations with people than if I had stayed in my room. And one long conversation with the English professor was a good one for learning and for the promise of learning.. including an offer to discuss via skype something which I will have to read and think about.. so more challenges to get out of my comfort zone. A woman told me in a workshop that sh...

Hey buddy, Seeta Ram. Last night while we talking about love, relationships and sex, and you told me that you want to be on dl, and i asked why you dont talk to people, you said that you did not want to be so liberated. It shocked me, and pained me as well even though I know that people have their own journeys. You asked me not to write about this.. but I reading Audre Lorde Transforming Silence and now I feel like I cannot shut up. So buddy, in the conversation you said that you could get a woman anytime, but that you want a "nice mature independent man". You know, nice mature independent men are in high demand.. as fathers, sons, brothers, lovers, friends, citizens.. and a lot of us men aim to be and think we are nice and mature and independent. So while looking for that man, hopefully you will also become that man who others could turn to. You say you want to explore that 'side' of you.. and by that you mean you want to have sex with a guy and see if that is...

The guy and I were chatting on facebook about sex and sexual fantasies and he asked me, what if the fantasies are morally wrong? I was a bit puzzled, and then he told me that he fantasised about having sex with someone who is married.. the idea of being the outside man was erotic for him. Some people's fantasies are other's nightmares of course. My family has been scarred by the adulterous relationships . I remember telling myself when younger that I would never cheat on my wife when I get one.. life though, changes and I found myself.. not cheating on my wife but being the outside man. Other friends who have tried to be committed have found themselves wandering. We never know how we connect with people, but I found myself connecting with an old flame who was in a not so good relationship.. well at least that is what we told ourselves... this old flame thing not good, because you feel you have some 'proprietary interests' especially if the parting was amiable and ...

The woman with the PhD walking next to me across the beautiful courtyard and looked around and said crikey, no cute people here, "I dont see anyone I would like to have sex with.", this from a woman who a few days earlier had closed up my shirt buttons, and I feeling rejected because I thought that the burial ground blossoms on my chest was distracting her from her intellectual pursuits at the Caribbean Studies Association conference. So while no one to have sex with, they definitely had plenty people to talk with though I felt very out of place since I can't talk the academic language very well and I can't understand it. The sugar mill "Set on 32 acres of Barbados' Platinum coast, this former sugar plantation epitomizes everything that is Caribbean. Lush tropical foliage, with a venerable Sugar Mill, stretching over one mile of powdery white sand beach. Almond Beach Village offers the entire family a quality Caribbean holiday vacation" is how they...

The 19 year old recounted an experience in his memory of going with another boy to the washroom. He remembers the boy's arm bleeding and the boy crying tears which wet the front of his shirt, he remembers his own confusion and feeling like wanting to cry. The teacher had used Caesar to rain down the blows on the boy, some boy she used to pick on a lot. Caesar was her name she used to inflict the state-approved punishment on the child. Much like what Salome Hooper wrote about her niece at Springlands Nursery. This all happened at the Caribbean Studies Association Conference : Understanding the Everyday Occurrence of Violence in the Cultural Life of the Caribbean  All kind of violence talk here.. gender based violence, political violence, epistemelogical violence, systemic violence, some racial violence, homophobic violence, oppression.. but were it not for Ms Judith Toppin and me, this whole conference and concern about violence would have excluded beating children. Yeah, we ...

After a long time, I looked in the mirror. In the restroom, the light is bright and the mirror close. There are three pimples on my face, Jeez, big man like me with pimples. And plenty more grey.. my uncle say those grey flecks are burial ground blossoms. Pimples they say come from eating too much sweet and fat. Yeah.. a decadent life.. in 10 days, chocolate mud pie, death by chocolate, ice cream, more ice cream, even more ice cream, all kinds of baklava, cheesecake, pinkberry yoghurt, raasmilai, yoghurt with honey and walnuts, and plenty of it, bagel with jam, plenty jam, and marmalade, plenty marmalade, chocolate cheesecake with brownie bits, soya milkshakes, more chocolate cheesecake (I know they have other flavours)... Gabriel Garcia Marquez wrote his old man "memories of my melancholy whores".. I will have my memories of luscious desserts

om mitrāya namaḥ (ॐ मित्राय नमः) This is the first time I am doing the surya namaskara in the open, under the sun The bus from NYC was late, so we watched the sun rise over Washington. I caught a glimpse of the Capitol Building and the Washington obelisk from the bus. My body was stiff. So I asked a lady where the Mall, was and if people could exercise there. She say yes, she runs there every morning. I decided to head there, another bum on the Mall would not make a difference. om ravaye namaḥ (ॐ रवये नमः) 7:30am when plenty people going to work in Guyana, I go on the Mall and do the Surya Namaskar. I could imagine the security people must be wondering about this mad man bowing down in the direction of the Capitol Building. om sūryāya namaḥ (ॐ सूर्याय नमः) When i done, i go looking for breakfast. Starbucks got line and everything look fancy. I ask a roadside lady if she have coffee, she say no. No roadside coffee, only the fancy places. I find one, which dont look like f...

NO WOMEN ALLOWED NO COUPLES ALLOWED NO PERSONS UNDER 21 ALLOWED The place is cold, the wind cold and I have on jumper. The bus is 1:15am so I decide to walk around 8th Avenue. I see DVD Explosion. I go in. Nice Indian man, I would cal him Uncle if I had to, say Hello Sir.. and another one looking at me. I ask if they have Maurice, he say 'let me check sir' and he say 'no sir'. I look around. I see section at the back mark Adult, so I fast and I go in.. and wander around. They say these cases empty, dont tief. Then I see Rainbow Flag and I want to know what Gay Pride flag doing here and I realise that my Uncles have put up the Flag where they have the 'Male Films'. The Lesbian Films are not near the Gay Pride flag. Then I walk around and see Peep Show, and then I see the sign with NO WOMEN ALLOWED. It say Peep Show. So I bravely go where no woman has never dared to go. I go up . They have some men standing around.. oh this is what the Christian people does ...

I went to church this morning.  Yep, big Hindu man avoiding Queens mandir and going Brooklyn church but something is calling me while I am here. After last night , witnessing, Alvin Ailey's Revelations , at the back of my head is how people have used religion to survive, and how some religious institutions worked with people to survive oppression. Even as other religious institutions prop up oppression. So God is in my head , I have God, the time for some reason. Today I went to the Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian Church.. which describes itself as "open, progressive and forward thinking" like the gospels of Jesus Christ. It has been awhile in Guyana since I heard any religious institution stand up for any social justice issues. This church has a history of being part of the Underground Railroad for people escaping slavery, and for welcoming people who were rejected by other churches. I had thought that NY was going to be a bizarre place. "god" is all thing...

So..  I take the chinee bus http://www.chinatownbus.com from DC to NY. Everybody I talk to say that I good, that is some big adventure and tribulation. This bus was meant to transport Chinese people from one chinatown to another chinatown and then people find out and the as happens with globalisation, the thing get tek ovah. So we reach early and I sit down. I ask the man where the bus going and he tell me to look on the board. I say which board, he get up and he show me the board and on the board i see that the bus going to allen street and canal street. He say it write on the board. I shut my mouth in case the man dont put me on the bus. So we get on the bus. The bus driver say that we going philly first. He also explain that we dont have regular toilet on the bus, that the toilet just have lid.. i say whah? They have a posey at the back of the bus. The man say.. also, since is a special toilet , please don't do number 2, or the bus will smell.  We then go on we way.....

I come fuh de food.. i like to eat new ting and I like arab, middle east ting... so i am eating ting which i dont get in guyana.. though i yearn for masala every other day or so, and pepper, raw wiri wiri pepper.. but As always, i go to eat the food in La Caretta in miami airport, lil rice, lil vegetables and nuf chicken.. which taste a lil raw.. and then cheesecake, i nearly buy two but meh belly did full wid de chicken.. Thursday i eat apple and bagel fuh breakfast and de peanut butter sandwich and topco which i bring from guyana in case i need food. the peanut butter sandwich stay the 36 hours good good, but i give a lil piece to de pigeon outside  Thursday night we go eat Korean Barbecue (not dog) at Don's Bogam . The pepole barbecue the thing on the table. They have plenty lil lil bowl wid someting like curl up shellot, then kimchie which is somethign with nice nice pepper, and some other lil lil bowl.. all healty, all swimmin in soy sauce i tink. The plate of noodles mek m...

The woman in front of me pushed her breasts in my face while the woman behind me.. i was not sure what she was doing, while people were clapping. I had just won the raffle prize at the Hypergender Burlesque Power to the People show and was treated to a lesbian sandwich. I have never seen burlesque, so this was good introduction to burlesque by women and trans people. It was for 1 May celebrations and I compared this with its political statements to the ones which must have happened in Guyana.  Plenty woman jiggling and shaking their bits and pieces, some natural and some not so natural, and then a moving dedication to all immigrants which had a woman choking on the american flag while the national anthem was playing. It was gender bending at its best.. though some decorum still seemed to be observed, I still have to find out why the male performer could be nude, but the women had to cover their nipples and other parts . I use the term 'male' loosely. So from performance to...