Morally wrong sexual fantasies..
The guy and I were chatting on facebook about sex and sexual fantasies and he asked me, what if the fantasies are morally wrong? I was a bit puzzled, and then he told me that he fantasised about having sex with someone who is married.. the idea of being the outside man was erotic for him.
Some people's fantasies are other's nightmares of course. My family has been scarred by the adulterous relationships . I remember telling myself when younger that I would never cheat on my wife when I get one.. life though, changes and I found myself.. not cheating on my wife but being the outside man. Other friends who have tried to be committed have found themselves wandering.
We never know how we connect with people, but I found myself connecting with an old flame who was in a not so good relationship.. well at least that is what we told ourselves... this old flame thing not good, because you feel you have some 'proprietary interests' especially if the parting was amiable and not for bad reasons. In the end though, I remained the outside man..
Guilt always there when you are the outside man, and sometimes it is interesting how married people or people in relationships negotiate.. only this once.. we only talking, not doing anything.. or.. i will no longer talk to you because we will end up doing something ..
There are no easy answers.. maybe couples should talk about what they would do if they find themselves drawn to other people. I remember a woman asking me after we watched Brokeback Mountain, how would she know if her boyfriend had any relationships with men.. when I told her to ask him, she looked shocked at the thought.
God must be watching.. recently I connected with another old flame now in a bad marriage who had been avoiding me.. we connected, and were heading to being almost there but time ran out on us.. and I felt relieved afterwards that 'nothing' happened.. but a tingle that yeah, something could have happened even though if it had done, I would have been consumed by guilt .. post-orgasm trauma disorder
I tried to explain to my facebook friend that it might sound nice or look nice. It might be tempting to think that the spouse would not know and you would not be hurting them.. who knows.. and if you do not want to feel like you are a commodity to be used and discarded.. then the morally right thing to do might be to just leave it there as fantasy. I hope for his sake that happens.
Some people's fantasies are other's nightmares of course. My family has been scarred by the adulterous relationships . I remember telling myself when younger that I would never cheat on my wife when I get one.. life though, changes and I found myself.. not cheating on my wife but being the outside man. Other friends who have tried to be committed have found themselves wandering.
We never know how we connect with people, but I found myself connecting with an old flame who was in a not so good relationship.. well at least that is what we told ourselves... this old flame thing not good, because you feel you have some 'proprietary interests' especially if the parting was amiable and not for bad reasons. In the end though, I remained the outside man..
Guilt always there when you are the outside man, and sometimes it is interesting how married people or people in relationships negotiate.. only this once.. we only talking, not doing anything.. or.. i will no longer talk to you because we will end up doing something ..
There are no easy answers.. maybe couples should talk about what they would do if they find themselves drawn to other people. I remember a woman asking me after we watched Brokeback Mountain, how would she know if her boyfriend had any relationships with men.. when I told her to ask him, she looked shocked at the thought.
God must be watching.. recently I connected with another old flame now in a bad marriage who had been avoiding me.. we connected, and were heading to being almost there but time ran out on us.. and I felt relieved afterwards that 'nothing' happened.. but a tingle that yeah, something could have happened even though if it had done, I would have been consumed by guilt .. post-orgasm trauma disorder
I tried to explain to my facebook friend that it might sound nice or look nice. It might be tempting to think that the spouse would not know and you would not be hurting them.. who knows.. and if you do not want to feel like you are a commodity to be used and discarded.. then the morally right thing to do might be to just leave it there as fantasy. I hope for his sake that happens.
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