Thoughts of a minibus traveller

Mind whirling. Blank document Secret relief that client has not responded within the agreed time frame. Wild idea to write another thing and the two sentences do not become 1700 words. Another inadvertent connection with the past and I think, moon.. please move and wonder if I could move further away from the moon to a place where I could be energetic and get through work and think up brilliant things and so. Woman says she wants to find out 'how you keep going' and i want to tell her. that i am not going.. really and that the successful covering and masking are not going but spinning in a rut. Craving baiganee and find it. Nice to chat. Seller is nice. Upbeat story and rapid identification that this is not the normal baiganee conversation.  Good to hear of success. Body feeling heavy. The baiganee with sour and  adulterous possibilities might not have good. Maybe lettuce and adultery would have been better.  Backing down and thinking no no, not this.. but t...

by Vidyaratha Kissoon “How long will you be here” the young policeman politely asked. He had a piece of paper and was writing down the contents of the placards “Until Minister Lawrence is replaced” we told him. He smiled and said, “no, I mean today, when yall gun be done?.” Today was the Tuesday in the Jubilee week. There were less than 10 persons picketing the Office of  the President to replace Minister Volda Lawrence with someone who had the interests of children at heart. The police usually stand across the road. Their questions are usually What is the picket for? Who are the leaders? The uniformed police usually write down the text on the picket. Sometimes there are other police, not in Uniform, who might take pictures. There is always “How come you don’t have a camera to take out pictures?” . The police , scribbling on the paper, would smile in response. Cars and people pass. Some take out pictures. Some look vexed at...

Dear Minister Henry It rough bad. The cussing is plenty.  The cultural commentators and so on are vexed bad that the show of love and unity for the Jubilee was not inspiring and so. It seem like there will be a Commission of Inquiry into the jubilee disaster. I didn't vote and I boycott the jubilee so I should shut up. I am not interested in saying 'I told you so' and be a self righteous  predictor of yet another Guyanese disaster.  But the Birth Certificate and the passport imply 'Born in Guyana'. There is a destructiveness in some of the criticism and this failure to get slap and strip bheri into his seat to watch the flag raising. There are people muttering how you not hearing the 'experts' and so, and that you not taking advice and that you bulldozing your way through the whole mess and things like that. Those people will decide how they want to document their contributions . I do not know any 'expert' in Guyana who has ever put...

Vine on the mango tree with these beautiful buds a reminder that the nice mango tree needs attention - cleaning, trimming.. but the motivation is not there to do it and reminders that none of this belongs to me. Reminders of things from the past which remind of work that was intensely done and is completely lost. Work which has to be done today.  Two bits of paper on the floor picked up after two days.  Technical thing which requires focus and attention waiting to be fixed after two years.  Another thing gradually falling apart and intense work, and concentration needed to fix it, to repair and restore. Little things are done. Other larger work is done. The quality and the sparkle are missing.  New ways of doing old things have to be figured out. The vines are strangling the trees.

Recent experiences of being refused when I asked people for help for myself or for others have had me thinking of reciprocity.  Reciprocity usually involves a mutual exchange of benefits. I still feel embarrassed when I am refused help from people who have told me 'thanks for your help'. I am constantly working on practising unconditional giving and not worrying about reciprocity. The practical application of unconditional giving is making sure that you do not ask the persons you have helped for anything at all. The Universe has a way of working, and benefits come from unexpected places. It would be unfair to think of 'ungrateful wretches' without thinking of all the people who have helped me unconditionally and in realising that benefits come in different ways. These are lessons I have had in understanding giving without expecting returns. 1. There are benefits  There is joy in making (some) people happy . There is that nice fuzzy feeling that comes from...

We were sharing suicide prevention leaflets and decided to ask people if they read and write/know to read and write before giving the leaflet.  We were in Berbice, not far from Cheddi Jagan's birthplace. None of us doing the asking expected the high rates of 'no.. me nah know fuh read/write, or 'only lil bit' ' .  I would say about 50% of the persons said yes, comfortably. The oldest person amongst us was shocked. She herself had come from a poor rural background and she could not believe that there were people younger than her who did not know to read and write. The people who cannot read and write are all ages - including people born within the last 50 years.  The demographics seemed the same for those who could read and write. We have had free primary education in Guyana for over 30 years.  Some persons were able to make a living. The challenge though is that the world expects people to read about health, about well being. There are thousands of p...

by Vidyaratha Kissoon  The taxi man was quiet and polite: “Business is the same, nothing different. Maybe for others things have changed’. We passed the hotel that will open regardless of the lack of a casino license with its proud patriotic flag colours and roaring jaguar. I say well look at duh, eh.. de man gun open. Taxi driver is polite and says something neutral which meant is none of his business. I had shaved the day before so I might have been looking like a tourist/returning Guyanese. I wanted to ask the driver if he had attended any of the courtesy sessions organised in May 2010 by the Guyana Tourism Authority, and again in May 2016 . The Guyanese who live in  Guyana have to be grateful for touri$m, so that they might receive some of the by-the-way courtesy of taxi drivers and minibus drivers.  There is no other requirement or training for minibus drivers/conductors or taxi drivers to polite or nice. The Jubilee has been scary in how ...

"Refreshing.." said a man after the concert by Indus Voices in collaboration with Moray House Trust on Tuesday 3 May, 2016. He had been nodding his head and slightly tapping his feet while filming on his phone. Another man was clapping to the ghazals and qaawalis while another man complained that the enthusiastic clapper was out of time A woman was smiling and singing along to the most of the songs including the local folk songs at the end of the programme.  The MC was nervous, torn between wanting to shout about how individuals organically work to preserve their traditions , facing great difficulties and limited recognition and not wanting to disrupt the music and to ensure there was a nice flow. I was nervous as well. The programme opened with the vandana, bringing Lord Ganesha into one of Georgetown's colonial buildings. The group consisted of Amar Ramessar on harmonium and doing vocals, Avinash Roopchan on Keyboard, Vishal Kallawan on dholak and tabla, and ...

All sources of images acknowledged (still from Papa Machete, still from Alguna Lugar) Papa Avril, Papa Machete remained in Haiti. He decided to teach the Machete Dance to his sons and others - the dance was done in secret.  In the Bahamas, they treat their fellow CARICOM citizens as second class - they too biggoty says one citizen about the other citizens. In Barbados, a Trinidadian woman tries to make money to send home, and it is not easy. In Dominican  Republic, three friends.. different races, go on a road trip. (Who could imagine a road trip on one of the Caribbean islands. In Guyana, a boy is annoyed that his hero turns out to be an Antiman, and an old woman hopes that her grandson gets a better life in the United States. The Timehri Film Festival  is a meant to be an annual film festival of Guyanese and Caribbean films - Caribbean in its broadest sense including the non-English speaking Caribbean. The organisers are a team of film enthusiasts with connecti...

Young man said he had mental health problems in the past. He meditates now and encourages others. He said about  getting better - " it's a deliberate process"  Woke up thinking that I would get an important document finished. Mind had ideas but the feelings of energy and getting the thing finished disappeared quickly. It was easy to be distracted and strange distractions.. I thought here and now and moving on.. no more dreaming of the running and so..  The past came up.. a query which had me going back to 1997, another one to 2004, another painful one to 2003, another one to to 2008..  The document I have to write is futuristic.. could be creative and initiate potential. That is how I felt in 1997, in 2003, in 2008.. and in all cases, all those things ended.  Man messaged me about a liquor seller promoting binge drinking. Man said he doesn't really care but knows that I do..  Other words keep floating in between the clouds , another friend newl...

The energy to shift the dark clouds just not there and the ups and downs in doing the simplest of tasks , fighting with the thoughts of negativity which don't create motivation Always though.. check for gratitude as a way of staying on level - for the two varieties of mangoes - buxton spice and the other one with the custard flavour and which should not be sliced but just sucked out , and which finishes in 1 minute - for the passion fruit which is not bitter or sour , but sweet in a way which is not sugar - for getting up every time that I don't feel like moving - for singing Ramayana twice this week, under bottom house.. like back in the days..  - for the contract which will be intense, there is uncertainty - for the food and the conversation in an unlikely place - for the late night phone call with someone who had stopped talking to me and with whom we have nervous conversations - for the woman sharing her joy as she plans her academic 'summer' .. her h...

by Vidyaratha Kissoon Man with the white face mask , hat and white lab coat  asked, ‘You want lil dhal wid it?” and I said yes. We had negotiated the amount of rice . ‘I want a $300 ital but nah wid all dat rice” “Arite, well just say fuh down de rice” The calabash looked full. The man put the channa curry, the mix of black eye and eddoe leaf callallo, ochro, chunks. “I don’t want karilla’ “Big man like you, you aint shame, you doan like karilla’ ‘No, put more of de odder tings’ Two youngsters talking about bill of quantities and quality of concrete . They sounded like civil engineering students. A man in old clothes looked like he was talking to himself between mouthfuls.  Two men in ties with insurance company logos on their shirts. Another man in tattoos and a tie dye shirt and pants and anklets. There is cussing too. The man in the mask is conscious of hygiene but he could cuss loud too like the other men. The TV screen has a movie ...

Umbrella is not completely broken. It can be used. The vanes can be stitched and a bit of thread used to attach to the cloth cover. The rain is falling. The store said umbrellas are $1500 and I say shoots, let me fix this. I feel like I should just walk in the rain and be wet and I fight the feeling. The scotch tape holds the cloth to the vane temporarily. Shelter is provided. The umbrella is useful. Other fixes can be applied. Thread to strengthen the attachment to the cloth cover, straightening the vanes which have bent in the high breeze.  The umbrella is useful, not like it used to be , but useful.. functioning as it should. People say thanks for things and I am relieved. One case I am worried that I messed up a bit as it is difficult to be coherent when fighting the urge to go and find a cool dark room and lie down and sleep One woman's persistent questioning brings back memories of the past. I  want to tell her.. go away.. I can't answer yous, while another part...

by Vidyaratha Kissoon The young bus conductor said ‘Man, you gah fuh see Stabroek. It clear clear., dem cleaning it up’. His voice was kind of hushed. I asked a driver how tings? He replied’Tings half good and half bad’.. ‘Dem people aint getting to mek dey living.. de place like when I was a lil bai and yuh used to come to town and it look fancy’. Another older man in shorts and vest, like a tourist.. shook my hand and said ‘it must be too early for you to tek a drink right’.. and he said, yeah.. this was like how place was mussee 50 years ago.. dem yellow bus used to be ovah deh. . ‘ “Ovah deh” is the space cleared of vendors to clean up in front of the Stabroek Market. Some vendors remain on the pavements. There is a tall black metal stand with three blank screens. There used to be fancy advertising on the screens. There is a Digicel Top Up Here sign. I remember the young person who used to do the top up  there sometimes. The Digicel Booth is still the...

The email is composed and sent off. For the first time I am withdrawing from work as the mental health situation compounds some of the challenges in the work setting. The war is on, as I try to maintain my pride and not war with sense that I am weak and that I should be able to do the work. The dark clouds hover around and functioning is mostly easy. A loved one sends a text for lunch .. I move into counselling role easily. The loved one 'vents'.. and I listen and I feel calm afterwards. The loved one has no indication that I am working hard at focussing and listening. I complete the marking of the assignments.. some of the work is good, some of the students are very smart.  There is another request for a review. Functioning though, works sometimes. I am over eating and feeling stuffed. Body pains in strange ways but no motivation to do any of the healing exercises. There are mistakes being made in some of the things, but they are easy to disguise. Focussing on th...

by Vidyaratha Kissoon The woman at the media workshop on suicide prevention said, “I thought it was interesting, I thought I heard Minister Hughes say that the media has to keep the negative stories off the front page or people might not come for the jubilee” . Another woman said “The President talked about the history of state media, and not interfering in state medi a.. but it was strange he did not say anything about suicide prevention’. I was not too bothered about who said what as my mind was on my dry feet on a rainy morning. I had just walked on clean pavements. Pavements which the overnight rains had washed. There was no slushy mud . There were some flooded gutters and roadsides on Camp Street between Lamaha Street and North Road. The pavement outside Bourda Market near the City Constabulary Outpost did not have the perpetual puddle which had been a feature during the last years of the PPP Administration. There were some places and gutters and a...