Flamboyant petals on the grass ..

The email is composed and sent off. For the first time I am withdrawing from work as the mental health situation compounds some of the challenges in the work setting. The war is on, as I try to maintain my pride and not war with sense that I am weak and that I should be able to do the work.

The dark clouds hover around and functioning is mostly easy. A loved one sends a text for lunch .. I move into counselling role easily. The loved one 'vents'.. and I listen and I feel calm afterwards. The loved one has no indication that I am working hard at focussing and listening.

I complete the marking of the assignments.. some of the work is good, some of the students are very smart.  There is another request for a review.

Functioning though, works sometimes. I am over eating and feeling stuffed. Body pains in strange ways but no motivation to do any of the healing exercises. There are mistakes being made in some of the things, but they are easy to disguise.



Focussing on the crowd in front of me while wanting to be somewhere else. Instead of ecstasy and joy at tasks being completed, there is just a kind of relief that I am getting through each moment and not causing any problems .. except that the body just feels out of sorts all the time.

The petals fall from the tree and cover the grass and the road beautifully. Lesson is that it is possible to fall apart and still contribute to good things and then find away to regenerate later.