Missing the red and other unimportant things..

I went down to clean the horse dung from the bridge and realised that the purple orchid which I thought had stopped blooming seemed to be alive again.

There was this nice mix of purple.. dark and light , greens and blue .

The camera though showed some red from other flowers which I had missed.

It was a visual sign, a warning really which came as part of a series of event in which careless attention was paid and interesting details which enriched work are missed.

The loss of the connection to a loved one lingers - a conversation which went wrong and the feelings that oh hell why did I start this again to end up in this place.. familiar places but which needed deeper thought of moving forward.

The reminder that there is no escape as a strange coincidence seems to collide a painful past experience with what should have been interesting ordinary work.  Reconciliation with the pain was not a priority, as much as moving on and away from the people and the events around it.

The dark clouds which hover and move around inhibit lucid conversation and the kind of observation which enriches responses in social settings.

I have done well in saying no to social chit chat and in so doing, managing to respond to random requests.

The Universe is ironic though in that work now too, requires intense observation , listening and responding. I looked at the image, have it my mind as one assignment comes up which will be better performed once the mind is alert to everything.

While this alertness is not mindfulness, because it can be tense, it helps to ensure better communication.  This is not always good as a series of unanswered emails to work related matters show the gap in communication when there are problems. It is difficult to fix problems if you don't know about them . I am thankful for all the clear communications which identify misunderstandings and which give room for redemption.

It has become more difficult though in social settings, to pay attention to nuances and to responsive and to know when things are not going well. The desire to do no harm is not enough and so it makes more sense to avoid social contact when those connections can end up in unresolved conflict and bad feelings.

So that is the project, to work on algorithms to avoid conflict while also being available to being helpful.

At the same time, honing skills, to listen and to observe and to be responsive while pushing aside the dark clouds.