To rage or not to rage. the fire..

The moon is moving. I am angry, which is probably better than feeling down and heavy. The anger though is not good. The things are piling up and I guess I have been angry a long time. I have a cold now.. and breathing deeply is stupid through a runny nose.

The piriton seems to be working in weird ways as there is a feeling of heat from within the body.  Eating bananas and oranges and hoping to calm down.. but that isn't working.

Fuel.. comes in, the alcohol invitation which I would normally ignore but at some point enough is enough. Trying not to do harm, and then a phone call comes in from a loved one who used to call on the way home and who stopped. It seems i had said something offensive. I send an email which I now regret doing as I was keen to keep space . 
The problem with fire is that it rages in ways, smoulders . There must be a way to channel it.. without creating more damage but to perhaps vent until it burns out.

I write this publicly as an exercise, as the things which are personal I type and delete because typing them gets them out, and deleting as I think, should I make this public?

I am angry at having a cold made worse in the damn heat. I am angry that I could not get the work sorted out, and that I am not feeling excited about the three important tasks ahead, but rather a sense of dread.

I am angry that I am angry, and that the coping mechanisms are not working to settle down.

I am angry that I had to write this blog. but at the end,now.. I feel differently from when I started.

I have to accept some things in life.