"it's the hardest thing to talk about your own experiences, especially sexual assault"

 

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. The 10th Conversation on Domestic Violence prevention was held around the theme 'Let's talk about Consent'. The conversation was held on Thursday 29th April, 2021.

Participants joined from Linden, New Amsterdam and other parts of Guyana, and from Barbados and the USA. The conversation was facilitated by Carlotta Boodie-Walcott and Vidyaratha Kissoon

These notes reflect some of the discussions.

 Consent

Guyana's Sexual Offences Act (2010) defines 'consent' as "words or overt actions by a person who
is competent to give informed consent indicating a freely given agreement to have sexual intercourse or other sexual contact;"  We discussed the aspects of consent related to having information for consequences, for understanding how people can be fooled into giving consent.

Foreplay, communication

We discussed that the culture has some values that 'no means yes' and that some people believe that men have to 'break down resistance' and that is part of foreplay for sexual activity. There was discussion that 'maybe' is not 'yes' . 

We recognised that we have to unlearn what we know about consent, and to learn and teach about consent and not to assume anything.

There was the discussion about age of consent, and the experiences of big adult men using the excuses of 'she look mature, she is mature for her age' as reasons for raping minors.

1 Corinthians  7.5, marital rape, Ephesians 5 25

The question came up about how Scripture is used to endorse marital rape. The verse "1 Corinthians 7:5, NIV: "Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

There was the discussion about the belief that the wife's body belongs to the husband and that  'wife' must always submit to her husband

Participants shared about feeling violated after husbands and partners forced them into sex, and about feeling that they could do nothing about the assault. 

There was discussion about the word 'rule' and the different Hebrew words and translations and how these have impacted on how faith based communities have responded to marital rape.

One woman shared that whenever she has to deal with issues of violence in marriage and when the faith based leaders refuse to acknowledge matters like marital rape , she shares" Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her"
 

Talking about consent

The group talked about how to educate about consent. Some of the points which came up :-

  • using Sunday school , church youth groups , seminars to bring up the discussion
  • use all opportunities in school, including primary school, to talk about consent and to educate children about consent
  • recognising when the popular culture is reinforcing gender stereotypes which cause sexual assault and to speak out when this happens
  • ensuring  men and boys are learning about consent 
  • teaching about self esteem and self worth

 One of the participants shared a poem she had written

 

Sharing Experiences 

During the conversation, participants shared their experiences of surviving sexual assault. One participant shared after the session 

" It good to have platforms like this as safe places to talk about these things and explore ways of addressing and healing. And it's the hardest thing to talk about your own experiences, especially sexual assault, but when you listen to others share theirs it makes it easier to talk a little about yours.  I hope these discussions continue indefinitely"


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