Thoughts of a minibus traveller

Day 1 The tongue of the boots said Made in China, and that should have been the warning.. as I walked i wondered why I was feeling the pebbles, but did not bother. The savannah and the mountains around me are too beautiful and I could not be bothered. I had taken out the boots from the cupboard, I had bought a few years ago for walking.. and now.. the chinese soles gave up, they came off and I left them on the brick road. the walk was good.. i had no clue where i was going and was scared to ask directions. I had to climb over a barbed wire fence, and the barbs in the exact position to cause most damage. So, I arrived at my consultancy client with shoes without soles..and it looks like I will have to do the board presentation in rubber slippers after all. Day 1, I wanted to do the 40 minute walk to Bina Hill from the airstrip.. savouring every moment of savannah. It is a blasted curse, that there is internet here, because outside is beautiful. But I am here on IT business My firs...

The woman looked up at me with misty eyes. "Let us run away now, right now" she said. I asked her if she was drunk. She had stumbled into me earlier that night, carib bottle in hand. Perfect advertisement for Carib Chutney . She said no, she asked me if I was drunk. I said oh.. it was midnight and we were waiting on the judges decision for the 2010 National Chutney Competition in Canje. $500 to go in to the ground, the Government mek nuff money tonight, at least the prize money. They must have had about a 1000 people unless they had nuff complimentaries. And oh yes , diversity.. men, women, children, all races , all backgrounds , women in short skirt, women in hijab , men in long pants, men in short pants.. no men in short skirt, though one or two men in short pants i notice had airbrushed toe nails. Duck Curry The winner of the last duck curry competition (from Essequibo) was there and they had duck curry for sale and chicken curry  as well. No vegeterian curries....

I used to wander what the triggers are for me to collapse. I thought I was doing okay but this evening as I went to do the yoga, I could not make it through the routine, even as I tried  and said I would. I wonder if had too much condensed milk today and maybe the sugar has the brain active. So.. I lay on the floor and cursed and the thoughts just flooded, the sense of having disappointed a few people who kept asking me to go sing chowtaal when I had other things to do, or when I seem to have disappointed people who thought I would have been active in a mandir on Shiv Ratri and I said that I preferred to stay home. Maybe I am too sensitive, but no amount of condensed milk seems to have staved off the feeling that I should be doing something else or being a better person. I have been blessed though, with new experiences. I had the experience on Sunday of witnessing in a mandir, a man being 'possessed' . I was scared, some of us think that is not the right thing to do in hind...

The amazing woman told me that I have to look after myself before anyone else. She herself is a survivor of incest. There is an ongoing struggle, it never ends really, there seem to be waves of feelings which I have to supress. I am anxious that I could deliver what I have to deliver, and that I do not screw up on things. At the same time, I just feel sometimes that I want to lie down and not move. I wish sometimes there was a switch I could turn off.. and maybe turn on again. I am not going to kill myself. But it seems sometimes that it would not be a bad thing if I could not exist anymore. A nice woman reminded me of funeral expenses and arrangements, so another reason not to dwell too much on the whole thing. Self care is good, but every time I have tried to plan something, the time off, it seems not to work out, and I feel guilty that I am being self indulgent.. hey I have a lot to be thankful for so what the hell is overwhelming me. But that is it, waves of guilt at not achiev...

Anarkali Kaur is 25 years old and Ranjinder Singh is 78 years old. They are both Sikh. Anarkali is a part of the Afghan Independent Human Rights Commission . Ranjinder Singh wants to be the first non-white member of the British National Party (BNP) . Mr Singh though, has to wait on the BNP to change its constitution after being 'forced' to do so. He feels that the BNP and he have a common 'concern' about "Islam" and its impact in Britain. Mr Singh says Every Hindu and Sikh should praise the BNP, because 'Islam' it seems is the common enemy of all three. Never mind that some members of the BNP could not tell the difference between Hindus, Sikhs and Muslims (and I wonder if the BNP members have never met any caucasian Muslims) Anarkali Kaur is a Sikh woman living in Afghanistan, dealing with several brands of Islam - the Taliban brutality which seeks to supress girls who want to educate themselves, and the women who she says come to the Commission b...

The conductor give a big suck teet. I had given him the fare after stepping down from the bus. The driver told him to 'tek de man money an' leh we guh lang' . The driver was annoyed with me. I had asked him to slow down after he speeded through the Lamaha Street stop light, thinking of this  And I had asked the conductor if he not shame to play the sex music with school children in the bus. There is something which is happening with sex and music and children in minibuses.. when it is 3pm the tempo changes and the drivers change the music. I noticed it once. The bus turned into David Street and it seemed like the lights dimmed and the music turned into one with a man calling on the women to bend down and take off their underwear.. the lessons on David Street was over so the school children would come in. I just wonder if this is some kind of grooming, some kind of thing like showing pornography to children here, it is like this reinforces some kind of gender roles an...