low carbon chutney in Canje

The woman looked up at me with misty eyes. "Let us run away now, right now" she said. I asked her if she was drunk. She had stumbled into me earlier that night, carib bottle in hand. Perfect advertisement for Carib Chutney .
She said no, she asked me if I was drunk. I said oh.. it was midnight and we were waiting on the judges decision for the 2010 National Chutney Competition in Canje.

$500 to go in to the ground, the Government mek nuff money tonight, at least the prize money. They must have had about a 1000 people unless they had nuff complimentaries. And oh yes , diversity.. men, women, children, all races , all backgrounds , women in short skirt, women in hijab , men in long pants, men in short pants.. no men in short skirt, though one or two men in short pants i notice had airbrushed toe nails.


Duck Curry
The winner of the last duck curry competition (from Essequibo) was there and they had duck curry for sale and chicken curry  as well. No vegeterian curries. The official sponsor was Carib. who was there selling their alcohol products. The cool down cart man had the non-alcoholic drinks.

A man I know from Guysuco days say he boycotting the duck curry, is eye pass to bring people from Essequibo to cook duck curry in Canje, like if Berbician cannot cook duck curry.

I got my duck curry and thought of the styrofoam boxes.. where will these go? What happened to the low carbon thing? In fact, no mention of the low carbon during the MC's opening speech.


40th Anniversary of our Independence
The mood was nice, ready for chutney , duck curry smelling, people starting to shift their hips to the Caribbean Hot Shot. A lady in front of me well into the thing, lil chutney going on there, she holding on to a man and another lady watching she close close and the man not moving. Then Caribbean Hot Shot play the National Anthem and people get ketch by surprise. So we standing facing all directions. The chips boy though, he keep selling he chips. I dont think he ever hear the National Anthem before and probably think something wrong with us. Somebody tell the lady that she cannot win' to the national anthem, she should stand to attention.
The PRO man said this was the 40th anniversary of our Independence and talked about great people like Burnham.. I say whaa.. you calling Burnham great in Canje?  Still no mention of the low carbon development strategy.

Phallic balloons
I see a man walking around with , well more like dancing around in a nice bouncy gender doubtful way sharing blow up phallic things which I thought was condoms from the AIDS programme. It was balloons , apparently Ricky Jai was going to show Guyanese how to push it up , push it in and so on. He say in Trinidad people near the stage, why we so far away. Next thing I know, a mad rush and then you see police rushing. and then ricky jai say.. oh oh.. yall can't come too close.. yes Ricky.

Guyanese creative.. if you see what shape they make with them balloon and where they put them balloon.


Doctor, engineer, business man, business man wife..
There were 18 contestants and 13 judges to judge them. Yep.. this is serious stuff, Ricky Jai was one of the judges. Categories included rendition, presentation and melody. Crowd appeal was one of the categories so now I understand, the judges will look out and watch how many balloons going up down, in out, left right to help out with this part. The judges were diverse, mostly men it seems, and a lot of them were singers. During the intermission, the poor convenor had to run around the place to find them back.. one judge from a TV station , like he get lost behind the beer stand.


Mahaicony, Florida , New York City
Contestant number 1 is a OBG and he singing how he love mahaicony and he in New York City and Florida.. I dont know if the Carib around me was making me dizzy, but I was confused as to whether the man lef Mahaicony and went to New York City or to Florida or if New York City was in Florida where most Guyanese left the running waters of Mahaicony creek for. Not many balloons wave here.


Chip Chip Sugar Cake with ginger and black pepper
Contestant number 2 wanted a good man and wukka man to wuk she up.. oh yes and she had about 6 man dancing.. dis was high carbon performance, nuff smoke coming out, and de six men dancing around de former Sugarcake girl. balloon waving like mad and for good reason, because this lady win in the end.

Every day ah drinking
This contestant wuk at Uitvlugt estate, and he got Degree from UG and everyday he drinking whole day and somethign about Anita and he find a wife to drink with he. There was no rum selling though, so he must have been disappointed. Balloon wave lil bit fuh he though.

She best friend husband
This contestant bring she possee and she sing how she get call to win' at she best friend Anita wedding,( I wonder if is the same Anita which the Uitvlugt Estate man was singing about, this Anita like she very popular) and lo and behold the dulaha is she sweet heart..  not too many balloon wave here and the crowd beginning to look like they would prefer to hear Caribbean Hot Shot play all four verses of the National Anthem with a tassa drum instead.


Drinking superstar
Number 5 come on stage with a woman and she father and he talk about how he does drink in a bar like a superstar (and this one does drink XM, Johnny Walker and Banks.. I wonder how the sponsors feel that none of the drinking men does drink Carib?) And he tell he wife dat she should not complain to she father because she father is a drunkard just like he. He has a good voice, but something gone wrong, I dont think he is a drinking superstar fortunately.

Two lady and a man in front of me teking dey drink, dey drinking Stag and I at the back and i want to be careful because i hear Stag is fuh strong men and I dont want no lady pick fight wid me. I am enjoying my $500 worth and my mouth big.. but it look like the lady dem agreeing wid me, so I safe fuh now.

Chutney Warrior from Haslington
Arite.. I say Arite, I know it difficult to travel from Haslington to Canje and get de crowd to push up dey balloon fuh you.. so I give this girl full marks for trying.. she is a nice girl, but some story about wanting a man to win' waist.. I felt a bit sad, the intro said that the girl was a volunteer teacher with Youth Can Move the world and i wondered if there was nothing else she could sing about.. her first time on the stage.

West coast girl
My friend from the West Coast say how he like she.. and I think he biased. She singing about how she love she Rajah and she walking around the stage pushing and poking a man who is supposed to dancing.. but I guess love dont make no sense and that was the point.

Chico
Rumkarran Rumrattan.. did not sing about Rum but how he is bubblegum and how plenty girls always dey by he and chasing he..

"Volkswagon"
The night still young , well we half way and it starting to get tiring.. and then young Bheesham come on stage. He gender bending and a man in the audience behind me holler 'Volkswagon" , he was most promising from last year. He singing about a girl who he want to run away wid he and go and live by his poah and balloon waving like crazy, in fact is funy, the women enjoying and dancing and the men looking at the stage a lil uncomfortable, but no more rude taunts.. because some of the women fans look like they drink Mackeson and STag and Carib and they gun ready to diss anybody..

.... the intermission was long, long..


first one after the interval
MC calling for a judge who they lost..
Somebody woman lef dem and he dont know where he gone.. then people realise that the intermission was over and that the man on stage was contestant number 10.


Queen Makeba
This is a smart woman, she like me, she sing everything.. calypso, soca, and now chutney and I sure if the mood right, she would do opera, and so on.. like me, and she is Queen McKeba and she talk how she find a Indian man and she like he and den she find a lil boy too.. yeah.. she like Indian man. some of de woman in de audience not too amused.. she talk about chuntney is a mixture and it nice and how chutney and soca could mek nice children..  she is my favourite, the man who holler volkswagon behind me think that the girl who want a wukka man should win.

Dularie
Ah was wondering when we getting to Dularie, Dularie does give nuff chutney singer heart break and our white suited rice farmer had some nice moves on the stage while he talking about how dularie lef he.


Sleeping husband
Another tableau of bad men, and the women who love them, and Lolita singing about her bad husband, and the skit in the background show how every morning she getting up and sweeping and then the husband get another woman

At this point I start tripping on bottles thrown on the field.. this is not low carbon at all.

Missing a loved one
Another OBG, this time he talk about how miss Guyana gold and so on.. plenty thing he miss from Guyana, i thought I hear you does get all them thing in some place called Liberty Avenue.. but is nice to know that somebody singing about loving Guyana rather than Anita and Dularie. And this man smart, he have his supporters in the audience waving banners and so on.

Lonely Punjabi
Balay Balay shouted our Punjabi man, and this i know is trying to link Chutney with Bhangrah.. and our man talk about how his woman would not let Punjabi be lonely.. this is nice, different mixture.. bringing up the cultural questions.. punjabi and queen makeba..


Lord Krsna
The man sang in Hindi, and no one understood but we think that it was a bhajan for Lord Krsna. It was good to hear, but there are ways in which chutney songs are used in worship (is funny that we did not get any chutney gospel) . maybe there should have been translation available. the guy had his supporters. the MC could not pronounce the title of the song.


Lamata
I never hear this word before and a lamata.. is like a langhira, or well I dont know.. wastrel, etc.. and this man mother in law call him a lamata (MC said luh mata.. word is laahmaatah) and this man come out with nuff nuff props.. including two guys on stilts, skit, dancing girls, tassa drum too I think.. it was too much props, the guys on stilts would have been enough.. balloons waving like mad and the night is old now..


Trini man 
This last singer sang about how a man from Trinidad come and tell he cant sing and he could sing better.. it was interesting chutney politics.. but the balloons not waving in the crowd at all

Judges had plenty computer and so on, but they had long long discussion and while that happening, Caribbean Hot Shot singing ol tunes and people leaving. I see a police carrying a drunk man out, but the police hitting the man on he bamsie and the man is looking back and laughing.. it was like the police man ketching a feel or something and the man too drunk to care.. but the chuntney singing and nuff arguing over at the judges stand.

Judge announce the winners, lamata walk off the stage when he hear he bring second to the lady who want a wukka man.  The drinking superstar from the bar is the most promising..

The junkies are picking up the mackeson bottles apparently.. so as the real men drop them on the grass, the junkie men pick them up to carry back. You have to be careful how you walk now, bottles all over the grass, styrofoam all over too..

PS : For those who want to know what really happen, check here.