Thoughts of a minibus traveller

 The work extension cannot be granted.  I waited two days thinking that I would resume the pace and finish the work. That if I 'rested' that I could get back on track. Nights were okay. Slept good. Impotence.  Impotence again. Realising something is wrong. Did not understand why on day 1 of the decline why I felt as though I had not slept. Thought of the day ahead, but notice that I was anxious, fidgety.  Can't concentrate. Communicated with some people. Low functioning requirements.    Realised I was doing a mundane task the wrong way. Stopped and thought of what I was doing. Body is paining. Thinking I need to go do the yoga but can't get down on the ground. Shoulder is paining again after a long time. The tools not working. Breathing,thinking one thing at a time. It is too early for them to work. I remember a man telling me, let this pass. You have to not fight, just wait it out. Wishing that I could be productive, while waiting 'it out'. Thinking I have...

    Dear Isaiah, Joel and Haresh,  Thunder is rolling and sun is shining while I write this and think about you,. and wishing that I could have gone to your killers, and said, chop me instead,  kill me instead and may you drink my blood and find satisfaction. In 2001, citizens killed 10 year old Mervyn Barran and his father in the Enterprise Backdam. You probably never heard of him or his father. In 2003, during another racial crime wave, citizens kidnapped and killed 16 year old Roy Bell. Red Thread had a vigil then afterwards.. and I now think that in the vigil then, it was for those children and adults killed and maimed in violence - from other citizens, from the police, , and for those to come, not yet born. I don't know if any of those citizen killers voted, or if they are like me, they didn't vote. I don't know if they have killed before, or will kill again, it must be easy to chop children. I have a cutlass which I keep just in case, and I hope that my hands c...

  "I put myself in the centre of the flower, because I know I have to care for myself before worrying about others.." the woman said.  "Healing through understanding self"was the theme of the sixth conversation about preventing domestic violence. The conversation was held virtually on Thursday 27 August, 2020. The conversation was led by Dr Janice M Jackson. The moderator was Carlotta Boodie-Walcott. We were talking about the flower exercise. The flower exercise is one of the self-analysis tools which were shared by Dr Jackson . These notes reflect some of the thoughts shared in the conversation.  "Dim the noises in your head, unclutter your mind of all the expectations" We talked about the different  messages which come from different places, and how the negative messages are heard more often then positive ones. One woman shared " Sometimes highlighting the positives are seen as exalting oneself and therefore it affects your ability to share the...

      Hot Saturday afternoon.  Moon is moving, dark clouds hovering over my capacity to do major tasks. I decide to make a pilgrimage to a new painting which is sometimes covered by the sea. Moving off from liking the virtual Facebook posts , to seeing the thing in real life when I don't really feel like going anywhere. Professor Vibert Cambridge initiates a discussion about a CARIFESTA 2022. A woman messaged me about  diversity in an event she was organising. A writer messaged me about writing a letter to restart the Guyana Prize for Literature , to figure out a way to stimulate more writing opportunities and exposure for writers in Guyana. A diaspora poet invites me to participate in an interesting poetry project which would have involved me writing a poem - I declined as I aint a poems man. I worry that I am an impostor and poseur getting asked into things which I only do as 'like' and 'not like'.   A young economist who plays dholak and sings chow...

      Morning after a good night for a change. Expectations, anxieties. All of a sudden again, multiple assignments, deadlines.    Do the morning rituals, the prayers.  Do them not so deeply though, but do them as rituals. I pray for wisdom. I don't worry to pray for anything really because well that is not how prayers work. Come on Facebook. No messages from the impossible love.  Felt the twinge of sadness, then laughing.  yeah.. you is a big man now, you know this game. And you know.. you  know.. be grateful.. no matter how worthy the object of love.. the spontaneous shared vulnerability "i need your help to get me through this difficult moment / phase" .. that came from a place of in this moment, accessing your listening skills, your unconditional affirmations, your being far away.. and not your desirability or skills at foreplay or potential for orgasms.. Come on Facebook. Clicking around.... come to the article about Nubya Garcia.  ...

    Candice Ramessar led a conversation about home schooling in Guyana. The conversation was on 15 August, 2020.    There was a lot of discussion about education, education and the economy, credentials, getting a job, about the learning styles, the oppression in the current system, the need for varieties of testing such as oral and other non-written methods, how to bypass the system, and that home schooling should not be seen as a way out of changing a systemic problem related to schooling for a progressive society which values all human beings.   These are some of the things I learned from the conversation, noted from a presentation which Candice also shared.   What is homeschooling ?   Home schooling or home education is NOT bringing the school home and trying to replicate the school system in your house.  The definition which was shared is "is the education of children at home, typically by parents or by tutors, rather than in other formal sett...

 Managing expectations "You have to manage your expectations.. "the man from Canada said.  'Understand that somethings take longer' .  I know.. I tend to have zero expectations too of OBGs returning and holidaying generally but I am guilty of stereotyping. I avoid conversations about OBGs and Guyana because, well, there are so many other things to worry about that priorities have to be made. And I know that there is this thing about the ungrateful set of us who receive barrel and so or remittances , and then we don't pay enough homage to the sacrifice and labour and so. We were in the virtual Groundings organised by Sherlina , Dr Wazir Mohammed, Professor Vibert Cambridge and me to talk about Diaspora connections and looking at the love/not love relationships. Alissa Trotz in the first In the Diaspora c olumn had described some of the complexities of Overseas Guyanese and local Guyanese.   Marlon James wrote in the Introduction to So Many Islands "Scratch t...