"being at the centre of the flower" - Notes from the conversation about domestic violence

 

"I put myself in the centre of the flower, because I know I have to care for myself before worrying about others.." the woman said. 

"Healing through understanding self"was the theme of the sixth conversation about preventing domestic violence. The conversation was held virtually on Thursday 27 August, 2020.

The conversation was led by Dr Janice M Jackson. The moderator was Carlotta Boodie-Walcott.

We were talking about the flower exercise. The flower exercise is one of the self-analysis tools which were shared by Dr Jackson .

These notes reflect some of the thoughts shared in the conversation. 

"Dim the noises in your head, unclutter your mind of all the expectations"

We talked about the different  messages which come from different places, and how the negative messages are heard more often then positive ones. One woman shared " Sometimes highlighting the positives are seen as exalting oneself and therefore it affects your ability to share the positives about yourself" .  She spoke with reference to church where the message to be humble is interpreted to limit discussion about positive self esteem.

Another woman said that since the last session " I am now using positive words to describe my self.Over the past weeks I have taken more ME Time" She said she was also careful in her language when talking to children so to do positive reinforcement. A man said he continued to think about how he spoke to his co-workers.

Others shared their challenges about how to get the sense of self, and how they did the flower exercise. One said she believed that instead of normalizing the negative, to take that one and not repeat it - a view shared by others. One man said he has been conscious of how he has been speaking to others and has kept on doing that. I thought of one of the books I got this week "The Art of Communicating by Thich Nhat Hahn" which talks about mindful compassionate communication. The man who gave me the book said he feels trapped by his family and that his reading is helping him.

One woman shared that somethings which might said as jokes, could also be hurtful , in little ways, especially from family members. There was talk about the shaming around body image  and the anxiety over losing weight or gaining weight, the pressure about how to dress to look good.

"Who are you doing all these things for?' was one of the questions thrown out.

 Accountability partner, breathing, morning meditations, Reiki

We talked about some strategies to deepen understanding of self. We discussed that different strategies work for different people  There is the story telling and sharing of experiences - with friends, therapists, or in creative ways. One woman said she started to journal. 

One woman shared that she has an accountability partner who she connects with when she is feeling low. Others talked about mindfulness and breathing practices to help connect with self.  There were persons who were familiar with Reiki. Others participated in virtual group  meditation 

I threw out a question about how some of the sources of the strategies seemed 'foreign' and if we didn't have any thing from Guyana and the Caribbean. One woman who lives outside of Guyana said her connections are with Dr Jackson; and when she comes to Guyana, visiting one of the retreats on the Soesdyke/Linden Highway. A friend had also encouraged me to go bathe in some creek water near Kuru Kuru.

The next conversation will be held on   17 September, 2020 to discuss more of these strategies.

References were made to the following resources 

• Carlotta's Breathing Rx 730am Monday to Friday on her Facebook Live. (Previous videos are available)
• The free things available from Chopra Meditation Centre
•  Free videos from Caroline Myss
  

Other conversations in the series were

• Healing in Community : People need people
• Healing for Survivors of Domestic violence
• Preventing Domestic Violence by changing our culture of violence
• Healing for child survivors of Domestic Violence 

 

Update 9 October, 2020 

Janice Jackson shared these titles of books on Self-healing and Related Topics

 Browne, S. & Dufresne, N.  (2001).  A Journal of Love and Healing: Transcending Grief.  Carlsbad, CA: Hay House.

 Cameron, J.  (2002).  The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity.  New York: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam.

 Harrison, E.  (1994).  Teach Yourself to Meditate.  London: Judy Piatkus (Pub.) Ltd.

Hay, L. L.  ().  You Can Heal Your Life.  Carlsbad, CA: Hay House.

Hooks, B.  (1993).  Sisters of the Yam.  London: Turnaround.

Myss, C.  (1996).  Anatomy of a Spirit.  New York: Three Rivers Press.

Siegel, B. S.  (1998).  Prescriptions for Living.  New York: Quill.
 
Vanzant, I.  (2000).  Yesterday, I Cried.  New York: Fireside.