Thoughts of a minibus traveller

Two beady eyes are staring at me as I eat the dessert. There is some new thing going on with the lizards, that as soon as I have a small bowl and spoon , I see the eyes looking at me, without moving. One, sometimes two. How the hell do they know? The lizard dung is on my papers, on the phone, on the computer sometimes. I am about to get up to take the bowl into the kitchen and I see the graceful brown head turn. What the hell.. let me put down the bowl and watch the lizard come and lick the remains. I am not unselfishly loving  because I have a secret desire that that the Universe will reward me with the flexibility of the lizard as I feed it and clean the dung from all over the possessions. Selfish love is also a motivation too as I am grateful for the opportunity to do some good work with the medical outreach team. I know there is no  making up for the bad things but the secret desire is there that things will balance out somehow. There is a rule that drunk peop...

I sent a tentative email to a loved one in the UK after the Brexit vote. Previous emails had gone unanswered over the last couple of years. Got a quick response  "It’s all a bit of leap into the great unknown. Life will go on, however… have a concert tonight and there is still food on the shelves. For the moment! " The last couple of months have seen an escalation of negative changes which have impacted on my mental health and physical health.  The energy  of responding and adapting to the changes has not been easy to replace. The coping mechanisms and chemicals are no longer available.  I have choices to make every time in terms of how I decide to live well or wait on decay. The hibiscus tree has almost died, and then come back. It will not last forever. The flowers bear now and then. Yesterday they were two , a rarity. The two are dead today as the flowers last one day only.  There are buds though, beginnings which bear into flowers which will die....

Panel (L to R - Dr Alissa Trotz, Dr David Hinds, Dr Janette Bulkan at WPA memorial to Walter Rodney, National Library, Guyana 21 June, 2016 Early Saturday morning. Empty bus stops. Driver alone. Going East Coast. I jump in and realise the driver is a woman. Hair pulled back. Slight furrowing of the forehead as she looks ahead. Body postured comfortably, leaning back in the seat, one elbow on the window. Dressed in jeans and shirt. Colourful shirt and colourful shoes. 'I used to teach.. but after one time is another' "Is nice to wuk by yuh self, but the road hard. Last night I came in after 12' She started work at 6am. "I have light bill and water bill to pay.. so I coming out everyday. I aint know how I making it every month." We approach Sparendam and she puts on her seat belt, in a kind of second hand reflex action. . She doesn't smile, but there are slight raises of the sides of her mouth. While talking to me , she does not look at me.. eyes...

The nude woman looks like she is running away from the photographer in one image - on a bridge which is ruined  , so escape as so many women have found to their detriment in Guyana.  The anonymity a brutal reminder of the judgement passed on women .. you too fat, you too ugly, you too dark, you too tall, you too hairy.. . In another other print at the end of my walk around the island of beautiful photographs on black cloth , the two women at the bottom of the stairway to heaven are positioned in ways that remind me of the pictures of ship holds and the position of bodies imprisoned as slaves. This is perhaps Guyanese culture where heterosexuality and 'natural attraction to females' involves subjugation and domination, and where objectification is constantly reinforced, and where men with 'unnatural attractions to women' remain silent when those use 'natural attraction' to defend violence against women. Visions 2016 is a curated exhibition of photographs...

The cashier was thinking of food.. 'I like dhal bad, I does mek it when I deh home because I want to eat it two tie'. I hear her asking someone for some dhal and calaloo while I contemplate the ice cream order. After I collected the order, we gaff about sijan in the dhal and healthy food over the .. well.. ice cream. 'You get fat '.. I hear three times today .. one time before and two times after indulging in what I discovered is an 8oz Cup from the Demico Ice Cream Lounge on Main Street next door to the Arapaima Qik serv.  The syrup - Strawberry - actually has strawberries in it. I looked at the price board and I realised that the syrups.. were peach, raspberry, strawberry. Even though I boycott the jubilee, I ask the attendants.. where the passion fruit, guava, mango, soursop..and they look at me and say things like 'well.. this is what the company has'.. I think they understood though.. about the absence of the local fruits. The place is nice, a lo...

The favourite faded khaki trousers have holes and scruff marks now. I can wear them as style I think but I am not sure. I wonder if I had been wearing these holes for a while now and not noticed. I celebrate the values which have me holding on to the pants with the holes and frayed edges. - I care sometimes about what people think about the clothes I wear when I have to impress people. I don't have to impress people too often these days and I celebrate people who are impressed by me even if I am wearing pants with holes and frayed edges. - The pants is comfortable and each wearing seems to degrade it more. Comfort zones do not last forever. - I am okay with old clothes. At some point I will have to invest in new clothes which can cover well, but clothes and superficial things do not bother me much. - It is a brave thing to wear old clothes in a society which is obsessed with dress.  When I have nothing else to feel brave about, these pants which are decaying faster th...

Saturday morning. Baigan choka and roti at the roti shop on the East Coast.  Some mornings there is vicious cussing and so but it is a nice quiet morning . A 'gay' walks in.. (male to female transgender). Normal occurrence in many parts of 'rural' Guyana where there is acknowledgement that people can be different. A man in shades and with tattoos hails up and there is banter between the two.. the 'gay' playfully brushing his hand on the young man's head before going to eat.  Free space.   Saturday morning. Strange headline in the Chronicle " Can’t fight hate with hate — Simpson calls on Guyanese to reject Islamophobia.  There was a private function hosted by Scheherazade and Kashir Khan who have rejected the violence committed in the name of Islam.  The event was co-hosted with SASOD.   I know the Khan family and I do not believe they have to accept responsibility for anything that any other person does in the name of Islam. I was a member o...