"we cannot direct the wind, we can adjust the sail".. Notes from the conversation about Healing Practices

 


"Healing Practices" was the theme for the seventh conversation about domestic violence which was held on 17 September, 2020. The conversation was led by Terrie Mystique and facilitated by Carlotta Boodie-Walcott .

The participants shared some of the practices which they used as part of their healing journey. Survivors noted that leaving the abusive relationship was just the first step, and that healing continues afterwards.

 Some of the points which were noted during the discussion are:

  • First step is to recognise that healing is needed
  • "We have to forgive ourselves before we start healing". People shared about feeling angry at themselves for staying so long, or blaming themselves for not seeing the warning signs of abuse, and feeling this way after the abusive relationship ended.
  • Recognise that 'love is the absence of judgement' and that numbing pain or ignoring pain is not the way to heal, that feeling the emotional and physical pain is part of healing from them.
  • Healing from the pain requires mindfulness. We discussed that mindfulness is being aware of your thoughts, emotions and feelings without judgement. And that being mindful means that you can control how you react to situations. We discussed that 'pain is natural,but suffering is optional'
  • We talked about meditation, and recognised that there were different traditions of meditation. People shared that they recognised meditation includes:
    •  clearing your mind, and thinking of the things you want to come forth
    • organising your thoughts..., 
    • looking inward and freely examining self
    • being aware of our present, smell, hearing.. how your feet feels on the ground
    • taking Pause, 
    • Some people use music, or guided meditations available online from different sources, or with teachers, others do their own work 
  •  We talked about suffering comes from attachment and that loving should be without attachment. We recognised that this is not easy, and requires work.
  • We understood the difference between expressing anger, and explaining anger, as part of feeling and managing anger.
  • We were reminded that writing - writing and crying - is good to get things out. (or using voice notes)
  • As we closed off, someone said "we cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sail"


Resources shared in the session

 House of Angel's Charity organisation has a Facebook group and a Facebook page.

They are providing support for survivors of domestic violence.

Other conversations in the series were

 

 

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