Thoughts of a minibus traveller

  It is one of those mornings when thoughts and triggers are all over. The  surya namaskar - sun salutation - is a good practice, but some times even that is difficult as instead of focussing on the moves and the breath.. there are lengthy pauses between each cycle with thoughts racing. So some days, it takes longer to do. Large gaps of mind wandering with what ifs, and why's and wondering whether I should continue and fighting those thoughts even as I stand with hands clasped in pranamasana facing the East and conscious that time is passing and it is so easy to become immersed and immobilised .  A certain irony because I have a lot to do even as I question why I am doing this 'lot' of things. The kidney stones prevent the back from stretching so the knees are out of reach of the head. Yoga is good for the body, but wellness.. is a mix of mind and body. So I try to shift the thoughts, to the here and now and to think of the breakfast ahead and the coffee and ...

January 1 2008. "and this is me trying to do a journal. This is the first day of the year, and I am big on the I resolve to be Happy thing. I need to remember that and keep a special section on it." Have you ever kept a daily journal, diary? I use a computer one which allows me to easily go back and forth over the same days over the years. It has been funny, helpful, depression and rewarding . There is an idea of living in the present , being free from the past which journals do not allow but depending on what  you want to do with your journal, things could be turned around. Some nights I am too tired to write and there are one liners, or there is nothing for a few days. Some days have lengthy texts about how much things I will change. Except that these texts repeat themselves over the years. The thing about secrets - it is not easy to be honest even in a journal since you wonder if somebody get access to it all yuh dutty story come out. So there are codes now w...

 Dis Facebook ting is nuff stupidness. I sign up fuh laff and den all of a sudden dis ting is nah suh much laff laff.. ting really complicated an' now I gat a whole set of manners and ting I does use. I aint worryin' wid privacy so everyting is public. Out dere. Yeah.. just suh. Excep; dat I now have to careful what I write an; say an' cussin up is not de same. I got 1500 frenz. Yeah.. dat is nuff. I aint know most ah dem and some ah dem does pass me straight straight when I deh pun de road. I does wan fuh know whuh fuh do bout dat.  I does try fuh not frenz any and everybody but it nah suh easy . Dis luv luv ting. I unfrenz two ah meh loved onez to stay out ah deh way. I used to find mehself meking stupid comment an' ting .. ah mean, okay if ah was a drinkin' man was like if ah turn up at a wake house or party and ah deh talking stupidness loud loud so dat dey could notice yuh.  An I keeping track of ting like letting go when ah seh.. okay, today I aint l...

Champa, Tiffany, Delon Melville (taken from media reports) Tiffany's aunt talked about when she heard that Tiffany's body was found on the green. She said she did not believe Ole Bai was dead. Another of Tiffany's aunts remembered being at Ibamadai and in the night hearing a holler, and knowing that something was wrong with Ole Bai. The Guyana Trans United organised a  march  to call for justice for Tiffany Holder, Nandkumar Punwassie and Delon Melville. Tiffany's body was found on St Phillips Green on 11 Jan, 2013. There were police investigations which ended nowhere despite the vigilance of the family. The police had questioned s everal suspects but no charges have been laid. Delon Melville's body was found in the fields in Mocha near where he lived on August 2 2013. His family and friends recall him as being quiet and involved in church and family life. Others also recalled some citizens in the area telling him to move out of Mocha . For these c...

The mangoes were sweet and provided the sugar rush. The night for some reason was rough. The signs again the morning that the clouds which were gathering were going to need energy to work through. A normal exercise routine, a few extra rounds of the surya namaskar. Movement they say helps with the serotonin. The email does not come with the instructions for the planned work so the day is thrown out. What is plan B. Meanwhile, other thoughts and limited concentration .. two things happening.. things to do, things to plan which require some thought, reading stuff, and the time passes. At some point, tea. Sugar is needed but there is no sugar. Then writing some things down. Then some chats and there is the nervousness in case you say the wrong thing. There are things to read and while reading , a feeling of guilt and frustration that the tasks are not being done. The meeting goes well. The sun is nice. There is a run home from school as well to give some serotonin. Craving ...

Woman told me that she trusted me and then she tells me her story. I tried to say.. no , no dont trust me because there are a set of women and men who have been disappointed/betrayed by me and I aint want no burden of being trustworthy and some secrets I aint keeping.  2013 was nuff people who disappointed in me and who expected better of me and so on and I keep going through in my mind, what should I do ?  I mean, I think I am a nice guy and when nice people feel sad or bad around me I feel bad because I wonder if lied or something. While we are not always in control of how people see us, how do we try to be honest and trustworthy when sometimes things shift and our ideas of survival means we disrupt the images  we project? The older man talking nonsense and my rage rises and I imagine myself slapping him to shut up. I feel sick after that thought.. I can't believe that I could make myself vulnerable to losing control - and part of that sickness is a ...

Some of the mango was stuck on the stubble around my mouth. I looked at the mirror, a bit of shame because I had just collected an invitation from a well dressed guy and I wonder how I must have looked to him.. look at dis big man .. he cyan eat mango good . Thing is.. wiping off mango from stubble is difficult.. and the casual swipe with a hand which might have some juice is also useless. The turpentine mango is useless when it is green - it tastes awful, like turpentine.  Mother Nature works a miracle because the ripe one though, is sweet, juicy, no strings and no turpentine taste. And the colours on the skins are bright yellow/orange/pink/purple/red shades that are probably meant to draw all species of mango lovers. The trouble with turpentine is that you cannot pick it green or 'turnin' ' to ripen like say how they do it with Spice mangoes.  You have to leave on the tree until there is some point.. when there is no taste of turpentine. So you look at the m...