Salutations with effort..

 

It is one of those mornings when thoughts and triggers are all over. The  surya namaskar - sun salutation - is a good practice, but some times even that is difficult as instead of focussing on the moves and the breath.. there are lengthy pauses between each cycle with thoughts racing.

So some days, it takes longer to do. Large gaps of mind wandering with what ifs, and why's and wondering whether I should continue and fighting those thoughts even as I stand with hands clasped in pranamasana facing the East and conscious that time is passing and it is so easy to become immersed and immobilised .  A certain irony because I have a lot to do even as I question why I am doing this 'lot' of things. The kidney stones prevent the back from stretching so the knees are out of reach of the head.



Yoga is good for the body, but wellness.. is a mix of mind and body.

So I try to shift the thoughts, to the here and now and to think of the breakfast ahead and the coffee and the day. There is something about the 'senses'.. the Bhagvad Gita warns though about becoming prisoner to the senses.

Fifteen minutes and I am only half way. I try again, shift the thoughts to.. here and now. Forget the past I think, you just in the here and now which is breathing and getting to the next poses. And then stuck though remembering how many times in the past I had said I would forget the past and deal with the here and now and that it was going to be single moment when I said I let go of good times, bad times, hopes, dreams, plans, things which might have been, things which could never be.

So then I remember this is not for the past, but for the present because I have to finish the surya namaskar to go and do the chores and tasks and that clients are waiting for their work . So next round, and then another long pause . And then another round and another long pause.

When I am done.. it took about 30 minutes to do what normally takes about ten to twelve minutes.

Wellness , has no time really, no beginning and end. Seconds, minutes and hours do not count. I have lost a lot of time and other things in managing the depression. 

But time is one of those fleeting resources which I do never owned. 
One lesson I am learning is not to mourn the time lost in those long pauses between each asana in the time it takes to get to move forward.  The final mantra and last round. I made it again.



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