Fear for the 65 year old Indian woman, fear for the 13 year old Black boy, for me after the elections

Thursday 30th July, 2020

"Aye come down, come down.. me ah come around" the woman cheerfully calls out to me from the road two houses away. I am on the back step landing, and I get ready to comply. She is on her mostly weekly visit, day before the holiday weekend though to collect her dues.

She has lung problems, asthma - "but big hospital nah look after me, one tall bai like you pay 3,500 fuh me go a Eureka' .  65 this year, so she collects pension - 'me had to spend am pun daktah'

Son with a disability, uncertain housing, grand children whose father killed their mother, she walks, begs, 'wan wan people give me a wuk'.. always asks for extra for various reasons.

I am afraid that she will get Covid, that she will get robbed of her pension, that she will get kicked out of her house and have nowhere to go. I am afraid that I can't do anything for her except give her money every week.

Same day as she comes, soon after. 'Uncle uncle'.. the polite boy on his bicycle. Face tense, he barely smiles. Previously he told me 'I know you don't like me begging'.. law says that I should report him to the Childcare and Protection Agency.  "My mother wants your phone number.. she don't have food"

I can't help his mother.  I give him the number for the CPA. Tell him he could call even if his mother does not want to call.

He knows about CPA, he had been there for another matter 'but I didn't want my mother to go before dem hold she'. 

He tells me is 13. I am afraid that he could get caught up in violence, that he is vulnerable. I am afraid that he will lose his mother. I am afraid that he will not complete education. I am afraid that his life will only matter to those who will use his life to further their own interests.

Sunday 2 August, 2020

President Granger has received the 'declaration' of results. I lost the elections again, as I have always done so I should be accustomed to the losing, to the feelings of sadness when the reasons for cynicism.

In 2015 though, cynic , non-voter though I am, there was a sense that change was possible, and curiosity about how things will play out. And then, the madness since December 2018 .. and after March 2..

I hear the people.. black, coolie, who were disappointed in the coalition. An older black man, kind teacher, professional who was ignored during the PPP times, and during the PNC time.

For one young man , when he heard Mingo call the wrong numbers from his polling place. He could not believe it."I used to hear about this, to live this is another story" Another man ,  ".In 2015 I was supporting the AFC but they with the PNC etc was worse than the PPP/C, people like Khemraj, Moses, Broomes, Volda, Harmom, Hammie etc are devils compared to the PPP/C so lets take some solace from that."

Solace?  I think I am ready in my Survival strategies..

The  new President is sworn in. But then.. the others come. And my body tenses up, breathing slows down.. memories come back.. 2009,  2010.. Rights of the Child Commission meeting and the architect of the bad governance, the lying..  and , slap and strip Bheri and his women..

I watch in horror as the chatree coolie, rass is sworn in again.. everything comes back from the day after people killed Courtney Crum-Ewing who was protesting that Anil Must Go.

I wrote that day

"for me , Anil refers to the corruption, to the injustice, the false promises, to the contempt for people . For me Anil is also the culture  which fuels people to accept that Jagdeo can accuse the PNC of beating drum in 2011 to Vote Coolie Out and that is okay for him to live in a big house because Cheddi did not live in a logie.  Anil is the culture of impunity.
Anil is people saying that  you cannot go and sit near the tree where one man who get knock down by a bullet spent a lot of time trying to imagine a better place.

I friken about the lack of justice for the family of the woman whose father was killed by his PNC boss in the dark days  and who believes Anil Must Go and whose choice of change will be voting for the man who her family think had a hand in his murder.

I friken how  people waiting on May 11 for change and the way in which elections always bring winners and losers and there is never change."

And I watch as Anil aint gone nowhere.. Anil is back with a vengeance... nothing had to be changed.

And I listen to the PNC insisting that they won they elections , that the USA rob them.  And my body tenses up as I keep hearing that chant.. we get rob, we get rob, the world is against us.  And I want to hug up and say.. take it from a man who loses elections all the time, the world is not against you.

That we have to create a world with justice, accountability, that institutions have to work, that the money has to shared, the environment has to be protected for our benefit.

That even if we don't want to marry one another, or we don't like the God that the other worships, that we should not be afraid of each other .

That in addition to shouting dem is tief, dem should go to jail, dem should is criminal.. that the next stage, file the charges, use the justice system, get redemption.

Wednesday 5 August, 2020

I am exhausted, afraid, thinking of the 65 year old Indian woman and the 13 year old boy who came to my bridge on the same day, different time.  Of the other Indian women who came to beg.

They have immediate needs for money and food.

I wonder if they meet, would they organise together,? work out how they could change things in between elections?.  Would they realise that they common interests?

Day to day survival though is probably more important than history, and idealogy and so.

 I am a sinner, and I have no integrity, so I  should shut up. 

I want the 13 year old Black boy and the 65 year old Indian woman, and the two other Indian women who also come to beg,  to be well so that I am well, so that I don't have to feel guilty week after week that I have not done enough so that they do not have to beg. 

(Feature Image by Dietmar Dorsch from Pixabay )