Banana gone .. back to the Universe

 

Body is paining, in different places but I have the knife to cut the bananas which might have been soaking in flood water.

Last time I checked - two days ago - before the flood, the bunch was still green even though sucker had broken with the weight. I said arite, a day or too more, Friday I will pick and leave to get ripe.

I have been checking since end of July when I saw the bananas being birthed from the flower which I ate later.

I didn't plant the sucker, never watered it or looked after it. Banana flower was nice. I am not sure when to pick the bunch. 

I keep planning green banana recipes in my head.. roasting in microwave, boiling and so, pressuring with coconut milk, heck maybe even chips

Knife in one hand. Other hand shifting  the sucker leaves. Last time I remembered, the huge leaves kind of hid the bunch, protected it. It is something about how these bananas grow under the leaves.

Some of the leaves are brown now, finished their time. 

I push them aside, watching ants. Ants on the green stalk leading to  the bits of yellow skin.  

Mud on the ground, some scraps of yellow skin, the nice brown speckle saying how the bananas must have ripened quickly on the sucker.

I feel a kind of disappointment rising but I say no no , no more disappointment let it go.. it has been a week of weirdness... , of reaching through cotton wool to keep functioning and not dwelling on the past even if past mixes in with the cotton wool.. cotton wool comforting, cosy, which could block you.

The bananas were never mine anyway.  The other things lying flat in the pots I had planted were never mine.

Another bunch from the yard had ended the same way. I thought it needed a day or two more but other things needed them more than me.

I remember the other lessons from this week, nothing belongs to me really, that ownership and possession and expectations from ownership and possession of anything will just make the chest pain more, the back pain more, the cotton wool thicker.

The bananas ripened quickly. Some things ate them.

One tiny golden banana left on the ground. There are no ants on it. I do not know if it was soaking in the flood water.

I pick up the banana, thinking man.. they left this for me.

I peel it. The sour sweet spell of apple banana. I put a bit in my mouth. 

I think nah nah. this was not for you, .. never for you, and I drop it on the ground, thinking that I should have put it back though in the kind of way you do when you worship. That I am returning to you what you left for me.

There is another bunch growing on another sucker which I had not planted. I have eaten the mother/father flower . 

When the sucker breaks I will watch, pick it when I think it is time to pick to ripen elsewhere. Or to eat green.

Unless of course, the Universe has decided that these too,  are not for me.