Vidya has a big belly ha ha , rusty but sweet tangerine and other nice things..

Place was dark and cool, 545am and I woke up and thought it would be nice to just be in this for a long time.. gentle rain and place cold..  but light comes and Universe says no
Got up and said I hope this would be a good day but there are no guarantees. Something with the moon and there is slowness and heaviness.

Today was going to be the day off, I will do nothing.

Small things left over to be done. I spend a long time taping up the box of a childhood board game. It was to be given away but the board is scratched up with two generations of children, and some of the cards have markings.

One of the cards has writing from 40 years ago..'Look behind' .  I turn the card over and there is a big circle and the writing 'Vidya has a big belly ha ha'..

I pack up the card with the rest and put up the game with others which can't be thrown away, but too faded and rusty to give away.

Phone call comes in to do something and then reminder about other things which have to be done.

Go walk in the sun.. walk fast like I used to. Get some stuff done.  Eat junk on the way as I get stuff done

Woman who sells tangerines said.. dey rusty but dey sweet.
I buy more than I intend.

Other shopping is lost as I get confused with bags and don't pay attention, but thanks to kindness of a man , someone else would make use of it.. involuntary gifts on my part.

Decide that I cannot do the work I should do and I ask for a break even though it means no pay. The shame of turning down paid work in favour of trying to resolve the mental health issues is burning but not so much. It has become easier to admit. I could deal with making space from social connections, but it is more difficult to have to say no to paid work.

The dark clouds will pass, they will not stay. Ensuring that I am safe and not indulging in any harmful behaviour beyond eating more junk and not exercising as I should. Trying not to think of improving on work and to plan work and to sort out money and learning and those things.

The work requires observation and thinking. and learning and I hate to admit that it is difficult to observe and think and learn while dark clouds are hovering over the mind and the motivation is not there.

The lady was right. The rusty tangerine was sweet, sweet. I am grateful for it, and the other nice things as I keep fighting with the bad feelings and waiting for this to pass.

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