The relief of dusk...
Something about the end of year dusk.. the sky changes colour as the sun sets. There are some rituals.. well Hindus should do prayers.. eat, bathe..
Dawn is supposed to bring new hope and excitement of a new day and when nights are horrible, day break comes as a relief.
Day today started with reading one of the Guyana diaspora experts - "Wellness is a 'reward for diligent and proactive behaviour'.. I read it as .. you have to get up and get, finish with that depression nonsense.
The day though goes through with behaviours, most reactive , with little energy for the proactive. The contemplation of the exercise before dusk.. trying to forget how it used to feel running on the seawall into the dusk and listening to water while cooling down.. and focussing on seeing if the body can stretch and the head can reach the knees and not thinking that .. what the hell anyways, it does not matter anyway.
When days are full of anxiety and moving around and fighting with yourself about things which are not working out.. dusk then comes as a kind of relief. The end of the day. The permission to say okay, it will be fixed tomorrow, try to enjoy the night somehow. It is the exhaling in a way, the procrastination which is not diligent and proactive. The promise of sleep and losing consciousness and not having to thinking for a few hours.
Until the next dawn.
Dawn is supposed to bring new hope and excitement of a new day and when nights are horrible, day break comes as a relief.
Day today started with reading one of the Guyana diaspora experts - "Wellness is a 'reward for diligent and proactive behaviour'.. I read it as .. you have to get up and get, finish with that depression nonsense.
The day though goes through with behaviours, most reactive , with little energy for the proactive. The contemplation of the exercise before dusk.. trying to forget how it used to feel running on the seawall into the dusk and listening to water while cooling down.. and focussing on seeing if the body can stretch and the head can reach the knees and not thinking that .. what the hell anyways, it does not matter anyway.
When days are full of anxiety and moving around and fighting with yourself about things which are not working out.. dusk then comes as a kind of relief. The end of the day. The permission to say okay, it will be fixed tomorrow, try to enjoy the night somehow. It is the exhaling in a way, the procrastination which is not diligent and proactive. The promise of sleep and losing consciousness and not having to thinking for a few hours.
Until the next dawn.
Why dont you write a book I think you are talented
ReplyDeleteSometimes your writing reminds me of the" quiet despair "we feel in our lives
This is the book!
DeleteThanks for reading
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