Friends, enemies and other connections..

Spectrum of connections with people

A man I know used to do over his address book every year end to remove contacts of persons who no longer were friends. On Facebook a lot of people do their 'culling' and post nice status messages about those who remain .  A woman told me that she don't bother whether the people she considered as friend would consider her as a friend. Once she thinks of them as a friend she will treat them that way.




That friend word.. frequently used, different meanings for different people. Friends are needed for social nurturing and in Guyana, we are a 'friendly' people apparently.
So many ideas about the nature of friendships, their duration, purpose and expectations. Most of us think of friends as persons we are not likely to be violent towards, and yet so many drinking buddies and loved ones harm and kill each other.




I think of this spectrum of connection of persons.  I am sure other people will have other categories.

I am not aware of enemies. I know a few people have expressed contempt for me and my views  but I do not believe they are out to destroy me nor am I out to destroy them. I would work to diminish or protect them from causing any harm to others. Some friendships have ended for various reasons.

Instead of worrying too much about the spectrum, I have become grateful for the numerous connections with people. I believe that different connections bring different benefits and could also pose challenges at the same time.  I have an idea of what to expect from different persons as they deal with their lives, but I do not become too bound up by those expectations.  I would also learn how to place trust, preferring to trust strangers in some instances .

In terms of how I am treating others, Chapter 6 Verse 9 of the Bhagvad Gita is my guide these days . One translation reads

"A person is said to be still further advanced when he regards all--the honest well-wisher, friends and enemies, the envious, the pious, the sinner and those who are indifferent and impartial--with an equal mind. "

Advancing age, and increased self absorption in managing mental health and physical health have diminished  my ability to be a friend as such and a social creature generally.   Part of my anxiety was in understanding the connections around me, the contradictory value systems ,  and wondering about trust and so on and not being able to be a 'heh heh friend' to people whose values and behaviour were in conflict with each other. It is much easier to trust people who are clear about their values even if they are not yours.

I have found that it has been easier to focus on being useful and that any encounter with any person, regardless of where they are on the spectrum should be one which is beneficial to them .  Being useful has included listening, reviewing work, laughing, sharing information and encouragement . It has one or two times included being useful to people whose values are very different from mine. Not money though.

If I cannot be useful I would be honest about that and explain why.

The only expectation I have in those encounters is Do No Harm.