On being an outside man to someone who you don't intend to hurt...

They say that it is human, the emotions and the actions cannot be controlled.

Every action has a reaction and every reaction has a further reaction.

Desire is complex. Illicit desire is even more complex. It is easier to say when you fall in love with (and not just in lust with) that you can let go.

And so it is the inevitable happened and my friend found out that I was the outside man, in fact one of many because my loving of my loved one also included frank and open discussion about honesty and relationships.

This is the second time in my life that I have hurt someone who I did not intend to hurt. My friend had me in great respect and kindness.

I had told my loved one.. we will be sensible. I told my loved one once.. I will kill you if you ever hurt my friend.

We were not sensible. Even though time and distance were apart - my loved one and I were trying to connect after about three or four years,  it is ironic that the reconnection with the loved one would generate the chain of events leading to discovery.

People say that my friend apparently is supposed to understand that the relationship with my loved one is over.

One of the weird things of battling with the depression over the last years has been a dulling of the questioning and the whys and trying to find ways to seek redemption for many things.

Ironically, the loved one of my friend and me will not be having a relationship with me. So it is quite funny, as with many others, how things end up.

The past they say is the past.. but it comes back .. karma is good like that.
I am lucky, I have a chance to fix it. I hope I will redeem myself somehow.

While I understand motives for 'cheating'.. I am a poly-loving man myself -  I do not encourage cheating and I believe people should be honest.

I still believe that... and will work for that. I will also know that I cannot undo the past.. and I will continue to love both my now former friend and  my loved one and wish the best for both of them.



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