Vidya, vidya..

I am in a hurry, plenty stress. Enough jhanjat. Sun hot. Focussed on getting things done .. on putting the bad things in the past and letting go.

I see someone from the past.. and the present. The lunch date that never was. I walked faster. Then I heard my name.. Vidya, Vidya.. i walked.. remembering other calls when people wanted to laugh at me.. how I walked, or how pagally I looked.. if I turned.. what would I see.. a mocking smile..

The mandir was nearby.. my heart said turn turn... my head said walk walk.. and I walked faster.. breeze blowing sun hot.. appointment made.

And I feel sick inside.. I should have turned.. given a chance to build a bridge .. but the memories of rejection were strong and safety was in the space between us..

I did not hear my name any more.. just breeze.. and this feeling of shock inside that this is the only person I know who I run from.. I could be civil with others who hate me.. or who would call me coolie coolie.. antiman. Mr Bean.. lampy pampy.. faggot.. but I guess this is different

I sent an email to apologise for running away.


Comments

  1. Kala RamnathMay 28, 2012 at 7:28 PM

    Very poetic and quite moving, Vidya...one could feel the emotional wrench reading it...lovely...publish your writings!

    ReplyDelete
  2. WandererMay 29, 2012 at 4:48 PM

    Honestly...I think you are in love with the person...just saying....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Vidyaratha KissoonMay 29, 2012 at 8:20 PM

    Yep.. well being in love and loving are different.. in this case my head tells me that loving means leaving the space far apart to avoid confrontations and unpleasantness

    ReplyDelete

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