Vidya, vidya..

I am in a hurry, plenty stress. Enough jhanjat. Sun hot. Focussed on getting things done .. on putting the bad things in the past and letting go.

I see someone from the past.. and the present. The lunch date that never was. I walked faster. Then I heard my name.. Vidya, Vidya.. i walked.. remembering other calls when people wanted to laugh at me.. how I walked, or how pagally I looked.. if I turned.. what would I see.. a mocking smile..

The mandir was nearby.. my heart said turn turn... my head said walk walk.. and I walked faster.. breeze blowing sun hot.. appointment made.

And I feel sick inside.. I should have turned.. given a chance to build a bridge .. but the memories of rejection were strong and safety was in the space between us..

I did not hear my name any more.. just breeze.. and this feeling of shock inside that this is the only person I know who I run from.. I could be civil with others who hate me.. or who would call me coolie coolie.. antiman. Mr Bean.. lampy pampy.. faggot.. but I guess this is different

I sent an email to apologise for running away.


Comments

  1. Kala RamnathMay 28, 2012 at 7:28 PM

    Very poetic and quite moving, Vidya...one could feel the emotional wrench reading it...lovely...publish your writings!

    ReplyDelete
  2. WandererMay 29, 2012 at 4:48 PM

    Honestly...I think you are in love with the person...just saying....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Vidyaratha KissoonMay 29, 2012 at 8:20 PM

    Yep.. well being in love and loving are different.. in this case my head tells me that loving means leaving the space far apart to avoid confrontations and unpleasantness

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turpentine mango madness

Image
Some of the mango was stuck on the stubble around my mouth. I looked at the mirror, a bit of shame because I had just collected an invitation from a well dressed guy and I wonder how I must have looked to him.. look at dis big man .. he cyan eat mango good . Thing is.. wiping off mango from stubble is difficult.. and the casual swipe with a hand which might have some juice is also useless. The turpentine mango is useless when it is green - it tastes awful, like turpentine.  Mother Nature works a miracle because the ripe one though, is sweet, juicy, no strings and no turpentine taste. And the colours on the skins are bright yellow/orange/pink/purple/red shades that are probably meant to draw all species of mango lovers. The trouble with turpentine is that you cannot pick it green or 'turnin' ' to ripen like say how they do it with Spice mangoes.  You have to leave on the tree until there is some point.. when there is no taste of turpentine. So you look at the m...
Read more

My experience with depression - Dr Raquel Thomas-Caesar

Image
(The University of Guyana held Turkeyne & Tain Talks 2 on Monday 12 September, 2016 on Suicide Prevention . Dr Raquel Thomas-Caesar made a presentation based on her experience. This is the text of the presentation) by Raquel Thomas-Caesar I am not an expert on the issue of Suicide and Depression but this is my personal journey dealing with such issues. I have never spoken publicly about this at such a forum and I hope that it serves to help others even if only a small way- Dr Raquel Thomas-Caesar South East London,  June 9, 1995 As I sit under the tree, hidden from all eyes…I wait….to go. I wait to die. Then it hits me…OMG. I really don’t want to die. What have I done? My head is swinging, fuzzy, I can hardly walk. But I barely make it up and up the hill…I see two young black men in the distance…they come towards me, I could only imagine they thought I was on drugs..I beg for help. My Angels.  I wake up in the hospital. This was me- 21 years ago.  In a fore...
Read more

Going into the unknown at the Indigenous Heritage Exhibtion 2024

Image
 (The Moving Circle of Artists' work is presented in the 2024 Indigenous Heritage Exhibition at Castellani House until 30 September, 2024. ) There was no print catalogue available. The QR code image was around, but I did not have the technology to use the QR code even with assistance of the attendants. I hope the organisers will put labels on the work items for viewers who cannot access the QR code. I apologise to the artists whose work I reference without the proper attributions Going into the unknown Place hot and I feeling a lil jumpy despite the yoga routine earlier in the day. Some unexpected challenges which pile up and then come in to chill out in the gallery and find that I have to do guess work on the art and so. Switch my mind, thinking yeah, go into the unknown.  NO titles to guide you.  Friends on social media had shared pictures of some of the most striking pieces so there is a familiarity in a way. And a helpful attendant shows the PDF on his phone to che...
Read more