Love and walking past the car..

Morning after a restless night. Patient woke me up about three times. Patient does not want to go hospital. I am walking on the Road, East.. going to by medication that will not work. I am too tired to really argue.. just doing what the patient asks.

Traffic Light. Busy road. I am walking East Line of cars facing west.
I hear a hail up "why you not wearing proper shoes' and I laugh. Human connection. Nice.

Head goes back down. I keep walking. Thinking. I hear 'morning'.
I see driver. Shock clouds my mind. Stills my tongue. Driver has pulled down window to say Morning. Driver in shades. Indian music playing in car.
Driver had written an email a month ago to say the shunning will resume with a polite explanation.

I am too tired to be fake and smile. I shout while walkig.. ' you arite'.. I hear 'yes'' and without looking I shout 'good' and I keep walking.. feeling weird. I cross the road.. behind the car. I can never be sure of the colour of the car as it changes in the sunlight. 

Driver had offered me a lift two times and I should not have gone then. Driver had come in the car twice to the house , one time I had been shocked.

I always wonder during the periods of shunning, what would happen when driver passes. Except the car is a popular one and I could never be sure.

I look back to see the number. I put the car number in my muddled mind. Stupid thing to do when more important things to think about.

Another person in another car pulls down window and say hello.   I shout hello and keep walking as light changes to green.

Three weeks later. Same day. Feeling exhausted, tired. Head down.. walking North on the road., looking back every now and then even though i am on teh right side of the road.

Car turns behind me. I look back, car number.. looks familiar. Is it the driver, again? I see the shades in the rear view mirror. I wonder.. maybe, maybe not.

But that was the thing.. the wondering, the maybe, maybe not. Am I really in love, I can't remember the car number? Should I be in love , the driver might have passed me straight to avoid another awkward exchange?

And in the madness of the Universe, would I be seeing the car again with the number and wondering?

Letting go though, would not be looking at the car number. Or the driver.