Looking for blood on the towel...
I am quietly looking for blood stains on the towel I had washed in the morning. Patient A had said that blood was on the towel after drying the skin after the shower.
I muttered about going to the doctor, like the last time the Patient had found blood on the towel. I was shut down immediately 'Nothing is wrong, probably a scratch' and I felt tired as I had done the previous times when nothing was wrong until something became wrong and my nerves had been destroyed.
So I washed the towel wondering if it was blood, because blood does not come off so easily with bleach and soap powder and scrubbing or maybe it is the material of the towel.
The same towel as the last time.
I keep silent though, I am relieved that for now there is no blood on the towel after the Patient had a shower and dried the skin.
I dare not make a comment because I will be shut down. Blood can appear on a towel for different reasons. Like cancer or so. I am trying not to prevent the future catastrophes, not to let the future fatigue me now.
The other Patient has blood spots and I am instructed to check for blood as the skin ages, sometimes bruises for no reason. I am nervous about the blood because blood means wounds which might or might not heal, like when my hand shook with the razor and cut the skin on the face and the blood flowed for awhile and I was anxious the whole time.
And I have to be careful how to disclose because the Patient can be further depressed and worried which might prevent the blood from clotting and the wounds from healing.
Testing blood, seeing blood. Obsessing about the blood count and the iron and trying to be cheerful and so about it all.
Looking for blood from the Patients. 'God will reward you' one man tells me. 'God is good, you are blessed to be there to look at the patients' a woman tells me.
Looking for blood from the Patients is the reward I think.
Looking for blood from the Patients without letting them know.
I muttered about going to the doctor, like the last time the Patient had found blood on the towel. I was shut down immediately 'Nothing is wrong, probably a scratch' and I felt tired as I had done the previous times when nothing was wrong until something became wrong and my nerves had been destroyed.
So I washed the towel wondering if it was blood, because blood does not come off so easily with bleach and soap powder and scrubbing or maybe it is the material of the towel.
The same towel as the last time.
I keep silent though, I am relieved that for now there is no blood on the towel after the Patient had a shower and dried the skin.
I dare not make a comment because I will be shut down. Blood can appear on a towel for different reasons. Like cancer or so. I am trying not to prevent the future catastrophes, not to let the future fatigue me now.
The other Patient has blood spots and I am instructed to check for blood as the skin ages, sometimes bruises for no reason. I am nervous about the blood because blood means wounds which might or might not heal, like when my hand shook with the razor and cut the skin on the face and the blood flowed for awhile and I was anxious the whole time.
And I have to be careful how to disclose because the Patient can be further depressed and worried which might prevent the blood from clotting and the wounds from healing.
Testing blood, seeing blood. Obsessing about the blood count and the iron and trying to be cheerful and so about it all.
Looking for blood from the Patients. 'God will reward you' one man tells me. 'God is good, you are blessed to be there to look at the patients' a woman tells me.
Looking for blood from the Patients is the reward I think.
Looking for blood from the Patients without letting them know.
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