Buns and milk as the goal ..

I am walking slowly and thinking I need to square my shoulders and look ahead but instead feel like stopping.  I am walking through the market and I have already bought more tangerines than I should and not bought any of the the things that I should have bought. It has been a difficult day more than usual as I take on another thing which I should have said no to and then deal with some of the others which I cannot say no to.

I notice the man with the table. Baked goods in plastic bags on the table. Bread, buns, salara. I look away and keep walking away thinking that hell, I will eat the tangerines to get the sweet rush.

But I don't walk fast enough and I turn back..

"Is coconut buns' I ask the man..
"Yes" he says "and dat is coconut roll too"

I pick up one. It is nice, rock hard. I see in my head.. the crumbled buns, soaking in milk.
I remember thinking that I should be doing vegan diet and cutting back on wheat and sugar.. but like other things, not being done.

I want to buy two. I buy one.  There is a bit of purpose in  my walk. Something to look forward to when I am done with the things I am not looking forward to.. the goal.

It is huge. I wait until I am done. I crumble it into the bowl which might be too small. The small bowl makes me think that I am not overdoing the sweet stuff. But I know I have been overdoing the sweet stuff as way of coping and not curing.

Pour the milk. Let it soak....

Eat it , half a spoon full at at time. The crust has not soaked in so there is a crunch in the soft, sweet, comfort.. different from the blanket and the fog.

I will deal with the healthy eating and healthy living later.