Talking to the fern to recover from the loss of connection with a loved one..

Dear fern..

You are beautiful. I had taken you for granted. I remember the year when I realised that I had to look after you.

You were hanging baskets requiring the attention of a man who could no longer give you attention. The year that I decided that I will try to take care of you, it is the year that I got the first email with the subject line 'Apology' from someone who I fell in love with but with whom there was no friendship or relationship.

So I remember, that I will take you down. I remember wondering if you would survive with my clumsy attempts because I know there is special care needed in terms of watering, nurturing and pruning. And I was in no frame of mind to look after you.

But when the rains came, and you bloomed.  I put some fertiliser on you.

The loved one and I never managed to sustain any decent connection. There were always problems. There were always times of talking and I hoped reconciliation.
I noticed that after this dry season, that it seemed you would not survive. That you were not abundant as the the others.

I gave you water though just as I did the others.

Then I noticed, the new fronds, and I was shocked.  It has been a time of a lot of problems so these fronds seem a reminder that sometimes, it is possible to bring life back.

So I went off to the meeting where I prayed the loved one would be there. But I also prayed that there would little or no interaction, and that we could be civil even though I was a mass of pain after the last terse email exchange.

But there was interaction. A script which played out and which started off with a hope or spark for reconciliation and then ended badly

So Fern, I turn back to you, to remember that I have been able to fix some things, and that no mater how much I love the loved one, that some connections and nurturing cannot happen on love alone.

So even as the reconciliation will not happen, I look at these fresh branches and the rainy season and am grateful that not everything is a mess and that some connections with loved ones are still in place.