When breathing and yoga don't work ...

"Me nah want tablet" the patient tells me and I start arguing with the and then he takes the tablets. I am tired after though. I could say okay, if you don't want the tablets then could you sign this paper in case people want to know why you are not getting better.  I am listening to understand what the problems are, as the problems are no longer what got the patient into this condition in the first place.

The patient is in pain all the time. The discomfort with the stomach is frustrating the patient. The patient needs nutrients to recover, but does not want to take any tablets. No matter how little the food, it is always too much and it seems a sin to throw away the leftovers.
 The patient has to drink water to keep peeing, but does not feel like drinking water.

I curse the surgeons who recommended the surgery without any thought for the quality of life afterwards and no plan for the recovery.  The surgery has healed, but the other problems which have arisen are lasting longer than the surgery recovery time.

It is only morning and the day can go with either more quarrels or the patient affirming what is needed.  It has been a month since the duties intensified in the work I did not apply for but for which apparently, I should be grateful for because of the potential for blessings apparently.

The blessings are probably there other time. A nurse tells the patient - always remember that someone else is worse off than you.. Breathing doesn't really help much except when I try to focus on the tasks and try to remember the things which have to be done.

The roti is burning on the tawa as I mess up the routine of the cooking which I do normally. The body is stiff and the back is paining and I know that the source of that has nothing to do with the physical activity, but the mental stress. 

The yoga isn't working, as I can't get into the positions. I am afraid of what that means for me as self care cannot only be indulging in sweet and sugar whenever I could. 

A woman who is in a similar position laughs and tells me , if this is how you feeling now, imagine by Christmas what would happen.

There is a baigan and some carrots in the fridge. I think let me try, cook this thing, so that I could feel as though I am in control and that I can still do some things well. I do the thing of salting the baigan. Frying the onion, Throwing some cinammon in it.

The colours look nice. I should have had some sweet peppers. to add.

It tastes good. 
I am trying not to be afraid of when the cooking, like the breathing and yoga , will no longer work.