The blessing of the sweet tangerine and the rain...

The rain
Rain is drizzling and I am trying to position the camera to get a nice picture of the tangerine on the wet wood. Drops of water are falling on the camera and me. There is a lot of real work to be done, things to be fixed and created but I am trying to get a picture which I could write around even though I had said that I would close off blogging and wait until I had intelligent things to write about things that matter.

The tangerine..
 The belly wuk (diarrhoea ) was the worst I can remember experiencing.  Normally I am okay, eat all kinds of things from all over. It is the second time this year. The year has been good in ways in that while I have not fixed any things which were broken, or healed any damaged things, I have not broken things further and I have not made more things which need healing. I have also accepted that some things will not be fixed.

The belly wuk though has no nausea or fever and I am grateful for that. I am also thinking that the depression is not so bad compared to the belly wuk. Another man tells me though, he prefers the belly wuk than the mental health problems he deals with.

The anti-belly wuk tablets don't work. I have not experienced this before. I exceed the recommended dosage. I have never done this before as i tend to avoid medications.
 My foot also has the pain that can only be cured by the tablet which also creates a queasy tablet. So I can't run to the toilet, but stumble.  I am laughing at this at times. I want to think this must be payment for the recent sins I committed.

The belly wuk stops eventually. I am scared to eat now. I drink the diclofenac and say to hell with the stomach queasiness. These comparisons we do, the lesser of all evils..

I am stumbling down the road and I see the tangerine. Four being sold for the price of a scoop of ice cream. I am not sure though because sometimes brown could mean over - ripe and I know we have just come through rainy season so I am not sure how we getting sun-ripened tangerines.

And I don't want the belly wuk to come back.

The blessing..
The tangerine is sweet, sweet and nice. Like the oranges I bought from the same lady. I eat them and say I don't care if I get belly wuk for this. I also think, this must be a lil reward, a lil ease for the belly wuk.  I am exhausted, not from the belly wuk but since before the belly wuk.  I am trying to manage that exhaustion, turning down a few things and trying to filter out some of the things which cause more exhaustion while also deal with the things I can't filter out.

A man in a film thinks his son is gay. He tells his son 'do the things that make you happy' and I think of that as in the recent years, I have more been like finding happiness in the things I have had to do and not to be attached to happiness. I have also had to let go of the things I enjoyed doing and stumble around on other things.

In that detachment from being happy, I am glad that I get that sweet tangerine and that I had the time and the desire to go stand in the rain to take a picture so I could write a blog about it.



The blessing