Life lessons from the avocado pear in season...

Abundance
The man said that the young tree was so heavy with the green pears that it fell over so he had to sort them out. Avocado (pear) season is on but I don't buy because as it is with people, I make a lot of mistakes and I make bad judgements and the pears that I buy are not good inside.

Sometimes though, it is possible to cut out the bad bits, and enjoy the remainder and I do that a lot with some people, stay far away to enjoy the good bits.

So I wait for gifts of the avocado from the owners of trees or from those who are skilled in buying.  Pineapples, oranges and passion fruits are the other things which I can never be sure when I buy, but I buy every time as a kind of gamble, I also do that sometimes with people.



The 'meet up' that would not happen..
"Meet up" is the subject of the email.. short email, few sentences. I am excited. It has been 15 months or so since I had asked that the sender and I meet up, face to face.. try to work out or differences. The request was met with resistance which was shocking.
My anxiety levels rise though as I know something is wrong.. because in normal life, the sender would have called and we would have agreed the time and so..  My call is not answered.. I feel like I am repeating the mistakes of the past of trying to connect when connection is not really wanted.
I sent an email to suggest to find out whether there was something I could help with.  Instead of meeting up, we end up in a dysfunctional email exchange which just widens the communication gap.

I feel like how I feel when I cut open a pear which I had been waiting to ripen and then seeing the dark spots interspersed with the buttery greenish yellow colour and that the whole thing has to be thrown away. But it is easier to dispose of the pears which are not good, than it is to close off this connection with the sender of the email who was not sure about meeting up, to dispose of it so that we don't keep causing each other harm.

I have eaten some of those pears, and found that sometimes the blemishes are not all that bad tasting. It isn't acceptance of flaws or imperfections though. I feel a sense of failure . I feel that sense again in another exchange related to unpaid work which I do which I am not qualified for and which does not get the results.

More than one half of a pear
 Avocado pears can be rich. I can eat a half alone at most in one go. Sometimes, I have had the pleasure of eating a whole one slowly when the pears ripen and they are without any blemishes.

"Vidya, you have exceeded my expectations' is the brilliant woman praising work which I had been reluctant to do. I think I am blushing almost as I am not sure how to respond to the enthusiasm. The work has been appreciated wider than I thought and I keep wondering. There is relief mixed too with the sense of accomplishment which is missing from the other work.

I am glad too, because this work will not really have my name on it. And that is a good thing for me, detachment from owning it.

Another blessing comes in a text. A woman needed support and she got it from three amazing woman who journeyed 112 km to meet her and give that support. We are strangers. Another stranger also sends an appreciation after using information I had sent.


The Hindu philosophy is clear about relationships, and about being detached from the results of 'good deeds'.  While I don't usually look for feedback from people who have randomly asked for help, and I am grateful for approval of payment when work has been done, I confess to welcoming every nice avocado pear, or sweet guinep or pineapple or orange, or full passion fruit , as a kind of blessing which has come back.

And the trick now is to use those as a way of trying to heal from the dysfunctional connections with people who I fail.