Mae's and "saying sorry" and when that is not enough..
Mae's Schools has reportedly issued an apology after to a child and his family, days after denying they discriminated against an indigenous child. There was an important process which started with protests from the parents and allies of the child, and a recognition of the government agencies and an attempt to facilitate a meeting.
I have relatives who have attended Mae's schools and their families have been satisfied by the education and care they received. There is an ongoing issue with Mae's in the community I live.
"Saying sorry" is easy to do, which is why I don't accept apologies and why I am reluctant to give them. When I regret my actions, I try to recognise the feelings of other persons and to agree on redemptive action. I have learned to do this after listening to people say sorry to me without meaning it, and repeating things. One person apologises even after I have insisted that I do not want any apologies, just for us to work things out, and the apologies just seem to make things worse.
What should apologies look like? I like this model which says that it has three parts
1. Tell them what you feel
2. Admit your (mistakes) and the negative impact it had
3. Make the situation right, offer redemptive actions, and how to avoid repeating mistakes
Mae's has issued a statement which has been circulated. Here is what I wish they had said.
As an educational institution we are defined by the belief that a multiplicity of ideas and beliefs, cultures and cultural values enrich the learning experience of our students.
We hold deeply the view that respect for and celebration of the several cultures which make up our country creates a diverse, dynamic environment for our students.
Step 1.
On May 25, 2018 , Mae's school prevented a child from entering dressed in indigenous wear. Mae's is sorry for this incident.
Step 2
We recognize that this event created trauma for the student, his family , the community, especially the Indigenous peoples.
We deeply regret the incident, and offer our most sincere and profound apologies to the student and his family for the hurt and pain which he suffered as a result.
We are sorry that our that our earlier refusal to acknowledge the trauma for the student, his family and the community created more hurt and pain.
Step 3
It was not our intention to hurt, disrespect or degrade such an important part of the beautiful cultural mosaic which constitutes Guyana.
Our primary focus and concern was, and remains, that the unintentional hurt and pain caused by this event be addressed in a manner which not only repairs any damage caused, but reconfirms our commitment to cultural diversity and its importance in the dynamic educational environment at Mae’s.
We have offered the child a full scholarship for the remainder of his time at the school. We will also ensure that the staff members who did not support the child during that day also offer their personal apologies.
We will remove the dress code policy which does not apply to students in uniform.
We have engaged and will continue to engage those institutions in our society which are dedicated to protecting and promoting indigenous culture as an integral part of our educational experience.
We will implement a diversity policy which will insure that our students are also accepted for their cultural and other differences.
........
Other persons might disagree with me. I have had the experience where the security guard at Mae's has allowed me in even though I am not dressed according to the dress code so I know that change is possible
Conflict resolution and transformation are new disciplines and often not practiced. I hope that this experience at Mae's let's us understand how we view dress codes, how we treat people who 'don't dress appropriately", and the possibility of transforming relationships.
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