Dear sleep...

Dear sleep..
You have abandoned me for about five nights now.  I thought I was doing everything right and trying to understand what was happening. Night 1 I know was about the anxiety.. that even though I did the yoga and so and relaxed, I just kept tossing and turning and waiting for alarm to ring. Funny though there was an energy as a surprise late night caller said I sounded better than the last time even though I was tired as hell.

Night two .. I hoped to embrace you again.. I knew new bed, nice comfortable bed and nice cool room. But new bed and I ate the damned spicy food late. I thought though that i would just drop off with the fatigue of the day.. I walked a lot and so. But oh no..you touched me a bit.. then moved off.. leaving dreams which had me in and out of the shallow sleep.. and trying to fiddle with the AC.. but I woke up feeling worse but still managed to get through the day..

Night three.. I said.. right.. let me walk, take the hot drink, no caffeine.. didn't eat much ,  but still.. I wondered if the Vicks was creating the dreams as the lavender oil used to do.. and hunger pangs also kept you away and then I was like okay, let me wait for daylight. One point I got out of the bed to see if you would come in the bed and wait for me there.... but no sign of you. Day was weird.. stumbling around, hands more clumsy than usual.

Night four.. I walked again, hot drink, ate a bit and said right.. let me wait.. felt sleepy. Feeling clumsy as i spilled a drink and mind foggier than usual. Could not concentrate on anything but still not sleepy enough. Read a nice book and got that nice feeling as I nodded off over the book and could not stay away.. and thought right.. yes.. you will come tonight with the book. Head aching a bit and 2 paracetmol inside. So it seems you came to me for an hour or two as I woke up .. bad dream and feeling as though I couldn't breath. Got out of the bed and went outside the room to walk up and down like a ghost.. but you weren't there either. I realised I was more clumsy than usual but still managed to function. .. two more paracetmol as headache came back and then more dreams. but weird energy as I woke up and my body bent itself into the yoga routine which I haven't done for a long time.... are you sending something else instead of you?

Dear sleep..  so.. night five.. tired.. back in my own bed.. it is late.. no food.. I stretched a bit.. but as i lie in teh bed.. mind starts running to the loved one who used to call on the way home late and I remember how sometimes I would ask you to hold off just in case the call would come in so I could answer.. stupid really as the calls have stopped a long time ago..  and then my mind starts going to other things and it seems you don't come.. dear sleep, you not coming.. and then no matter what.. my own bed, nice cool air.. and I hear every truck driving far away and i hear the man hollering in his sleep next door .... and dreams in between again..and I start thinking of the work I have committed to do.

alarm rings..I wake up and get energetic.. do chores.. do the yoga routine in the hope that my body would be able to welcome you tonight.. The body is weird.. the sweat .. something is strange as it burns my eyes and I wonder if there are things , not only in the mind, but in the body that are no keeping you away.

Dear sleep, I am not accustomed to being without you. I have to function, to get on with things.. I need you to come with me for a few hours.

I have heard though, that the more I think about you, and worry that you will not come, then you definitely will not come.

But strange


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turpentine mango madness

Image
Some of the mango was stuck on the stubble around my mouth. I looked at the mirror, a bit of shame because I had just collected an invitation from a well dressed guy and I wonder how I must have looked to him.. look at dis big man .. he cyan eat mango good . Thing is.. wiping off mango from stubble is difficult.. and the casual swipe with a hand which might have some juice is also useless. The turpentine mango is useless when it is green - it tastes awful, like turpentine.  Mother Nature works a miracle because the ripe one though, is sweet, juicy, no strings and no turpentine taste. And the colours on the skins are bright yellow/orange/pink/purple/red shades that are probably meant to draw all species of mango lovers. The trouble with turpentine is that you cannot pick it green or 'turnin' ' to ripen like say how they do it with Spice mangoes.  You have to leave on the tree until there is some point.. when there is no taste of turpentine. So you look at the m...
Read more

My experience with depression - Dr Raquel Thomas-Caesar

Image
(The University of Guyana held Turkeyne & Tain Talks 2 on Monday 12 September, 2016 on Suicide Prevention . Dr Raquel Thomas-Caesar made a presentation based on her experience. This is the text of the presentation) by Raquel Thomas-Caesar I am not an expert on the issue of Suicide and Depression but this is my personal journey dealing with such issues. I have never spoken publicly about this at such a forum and I hope that it serves to help others even if only a small way- Dr Raquel Thomas-Caesar South East London,  June 9, 1995 As I sit under the tree, hidden from all eyes…I wait….to go. I wait to die. Then it hits me…OMG. I really don’t want to die. What have I done? My head is swinging, fuzzy, I can hardly walk. But I barely make it up and up the hill…I see two young black men in the distance…they come towards me, I could only imagine they thought I was on drugs..I beg for help. My Angels.  I wake up in the hospital. This was me- 21 years ago.  In a fore...
Read more

Going into the unknown at the Indigenous Heritage Exhibtion 2024

Image
 (The Moving Circle of Artists' work is presented in the 2024 Indigenous Heritage Exhibition at Castellani House until 30 September, 2024. ) There was no print catalogue available. The QR code image was around, but I did not have the technology to use the QR code even with assistance of the attendants. I hope the organisers will put labels on the work items for viewers who cannot access the QR code. I apologise to the artists whose work I reference without the proper attributions Going into the unknown Place hot and I feeling a lil jumpy despite the yoga routine earlier in the day. Some unexpected challenges which pile up and then come in to chill out in the gallery and find that I have to do guess work on the art and so. Switch my mind, thinking yeah, go into the unknown.  NO titles to guide you.  Friends on social media had shared pictures of some of the most striking pieces so there is a familiarity in a way. And a helpful attendant shows the PDF on his phone to che...
Read more