Dear back pain...


Dear back pain...
There is something about you now which is constant and always there, reminder of the body which I neglected while trying to deal with the mind.

I know that the bad coping strategies to deal with the mental health would result in physical damage. I wish I did not have to deal with you and with the mental health issues.

You are deceptive.. sometimes I can forget that you are there as I try to deal with other things.. and then when I move or try to bend and you come back and remind me that you are there. You are there when I sit, stand, walk, lie down, move, not move.. there just is no getting rid of you.



I know that the tingling in the toes and the heel are related to you.. that the muscles and the nerves are out of sync. It is bad enough having to deal with parting dark clouds while also trying to practice mindful bending and sitting and standing and walking to see if those things are creating the problem

While the mind though can provide distraction from you.. you don't provide distraction from the mental health issues. I know sometimes you seem to hurt more than I expect.

I know , as I did with the mental health issues, that I am not going to take medication. The medication I took did not help to chase you away and I believe that ironically, there is some spirit inside of me that while belly wuk and headache are okay with pills, not this pain which like the mental health issues, are things which need further work which cannot be cured with pills.

I am glad I am able to do some of the yoga. You don't seem to mind with some of the backward bending and some of the sideways bending, but the other ones you seem to appear when I think it is okay to move on. I am wondering if some of the poses are making things worse, even though they help to make the mind better at times. I know that sometimes the tension makes things worse too.. so it is all mixed up. I know that sometimes you seem to shift as well.. different times you are at different parts of the back.. but you always there, never going.

If only I had been doing the yoga instead of binge eating then I know you would not be here as much.  I know that I need the stretching and the serotonin but if you will be in the way then I will have to work around you and if you don't like it, then well.. I guess I will pay the price sometime later.

I hope that the measures I am taking will allow you to leave in peace.   I am already living with the dark clouds and the mental health issues. It will not be easy to  live with you is not in my plan.

I hope to get rid of you soon.








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