Dear evening at the end of June...


Dear evening at the end of June..
I had forgotten the promise that I had made to go and sit down and eat dinner by the window and look out during the evening time. Some people pray during this time. A long time ago I would have been cooling out after a run on the seawall.

I had the habit of eating while watching something on the computer and then thought that was crazy as it was difficult sometimes to move mouse and so when the fingers had curry or stew or something on them. 

Blackout again. But still it was nice to see the reflections , and then the camera also took some reflections. A strange time. I have asked for suspension from the only paying assignment I had as I try to get myself back on track. I have had to get a new computer and that has meant new passwords and a whole set of things. I am using the barest minimum as Windows 10 is not my thing and I hope to get the Linux sorted out but that is not as easy as I thought it was and I am supposed to be on a break chilling.

But there is some meaning, I think .. in that the old computer which has all the stuff.. which is not accessible.. it means that I have to 'start' over in a way but there is no starting over really just continuation.

This evening it was nice to chat with the young woman who drove down from Buxton to collect a book to read. Place stayed bright as the days are probably going to get 'longer' a bit now and maybe there will be some nice sunsets to watch out at.

Dear evening, the day was hot, full of the uncertainty and anxiety about making sure that this thing works. There are a lot of things to be fixed around.. and I am not sure if I should fix them as I try to fix myself or just fix them and accept that I cannot be fixed.

I am grateful for everything today.. there was good food, and fruits. I am still struggling with the urge to wait a bit before starting the fixing.. thinking that I should be doing stuff and not having stuff undone around the place.

Dear evening, for those moments though, it was nice to watch , not forgetting about the other things but at least putting them aside for a few minutes. Even when things can't be fixed, there are still things which can be enjoyed.


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