Dear cucumber and ginger juice...

You don't taste too bad though I wonder if my blood pressure would drop. I was not sure what to do with the surplus cucumbers  - curry is always an option  . It took awhile to make you though but in the end it was worth it.

Contemplating you and thinking of you, and thinking that is 'June already' and I haven't found a lasting way to be focussed on doing things and getting things done.

I managed another round of the surya namskar.. the full round but at the end I wondered perhaps , like the running and so from the past, if the body can't deal with it any more.  It is human to keep looking back and seeing if the things which used to work in the past would be helpful.

I remember peeling the cucumbers first and then thinking, let me leave bits of skin as well as the skin 'good for you'. I think some of you were too young so the first taste was a bit metallic. But , cold.. you taste nice.

I know I have to make choices about getting to a healthy stage mentally and physically. I know I keep going back to the time 20 years ago when I made those decisions and when there was discipline and rigour and joy in moving forward and doing nice things which were not done before.

Life I know is a mix of joy and sorrow, and I keep trying not to be a bundle of regrets and anxiety. Instead of trying to use experience and knowledge from the past with confidence, I feel more anxious.. will it work this time? Will I have the same outcome? 

I said yes to things which a huge part of me said I should say no to them because of the anxiety which comes up in trying to do a good job. At the same time, just as I decided to make you and find you energy.. I am glad that there is a tiny part of me, probably growing smaller, but still there.. that is pushing ahead.


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