Dear chocloate microwave mug cake...


Dear chocolate mug cake which was made quickly in the microwave..  I am grateful to you for providing, with peanut butter, the nutty, crumbly chocolate sweetness that helped to calm me down. I know I have consumed 1/4 cup sugar, 2 tbsp oil and so on, but to hell with it...  my mind was in a mess and I could not do the yoga.

I am grateful that I had all the ingredients and the microwave to make the cake. I am grateful for the borrowed computer which I have to adjust to.. moving from Linux back to Windows is difficult.. borrowed as I contemplate the loss of everythign on the last computer and starting over.

Starting over.. the angst generated by the phone call from the loved one who used to call sometimes and the brutal response to an email sent to explain the need for some reconciliation.. mug cake, understanding that love is complex. There are some people I will never be able to reconcile with.
I am glad for the phone conversation with the woman who has mental health problems, but who does call and message .. we could talk about random things and have nice chats without getting angry.

I am grateful for the seven curry and the lesson from the pandit about remembering that the Hindu rituals and offerings are done as a way of recognising the way in which the Universe nourishes us, and that the Universe is the embodiment of God. I am grateful for the conversation with the woman who has survived cancer , who is cheerful about ginger, tumeric, soursop leaves and the chemo and that she cannot get the chemo in Guyana because the 'drugs are not available'

I am grateful to the kind woman who invited me to a celebration and who accepted that I could not make it due to the mental heath issues.  

I am grateful for the listening ear of the woman who is not well.. I am grateful for the email exchange with the man I went to school with.. I don't think any of us would have imagined that 30 years later we would have been talking about mental health and meditation rather than physics chemistry and maths. I am grateful for the random email from the young journalist in the Peruvian Amazon.

Dear mug cake.. The day is done.. there are more things to fix and I hope I don't cause damage. It was easy to lose sight of the good things... I dont know if I will be able to sort out the computer and whether I will ever get back those things.. , I don't know if I will ever reconcile with the loved one who used to call on the way home .. but thanks to cocoa, whole wheat flour, sugar fat.. i am not too bothered now. And the unexpected encouragement from another woman "Do keep on doing the good analyses and thought leadership that you do."

Dear Mug cake.. thanks for helping me close off differently from the way it was going.

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