Dear wound up spring...

You are all over my body. I let you in as a way of ducking and avoiding difficult situations and trying to prepare for multiple things. I know there are good ways to release you and let you go , but I am eating all the time and it requires an empty stomach to get rid of you completely.

Every single thing now requires a consideration and what if.. and should I. Things which used to be easy take more time and are harder and as a result the nervousness and anxiety about doing them result in you being present all the time.  Simple invitation on Facebook to a nice thing generates the anxiety associated . Would the loved one who used to call on the way home and who expressed fear be there? What would I do when I see the eyes with the contempt/fear in them? What would I do when we pass each other as though we are strangers when we are not strangers ? And you wind up tighter and tighter as a different person a long time ago would just go anywhere and do anything and be able to face all situations , but now things have changed.

Other anxieties .. people asking 'what do you do now' and it is difficult to respond because I am not sure myself and it seems rude when you say so. So thinking not to go is easier or go to places where people are not likely to ask. 

Sounds.. being alert all the time for different sounds, nuances.. day and night.. and even when things seem okay, still staying tight because memories of when things were okay and they just suddenly changed and I was not prepared.

There must be a way to have you in my body in which I can be alert without feeling heavy.

Tears don't release you, they just seem to make you more wound up probably because of the annoyance which follows tears .

The only thing which I know would release you is easing up on the eating, having some time when the stomach is empty, putting my mind to it, and trying to actually do the stretches and the movement which provide relief.

But you are there still because knowing this and doing this are different.