Dear guavas..

Dear guavas

You are unexpected since the tree fell down and I thought it would have died. It is nice to see you though of course the birds are getting to you first before I could unless I eat you slightly green rather than that nice sweet juicy ripe to slightly over ripe.

It is easy to miss you because in the light, your colour is like the leaves. I know your leaves are also supposed to be good but such a lesson of remembering to be alert in a different ways.. not only in anticipation and in anxiety for the different kinds of things which make the body tense, but also for the small brief moments of nice ness.

I found a sweet passion fruit amid the other mundane ones .. passion fruit is so difficult to see through. Pineapples too.. some could be good , some bad and from outside it is difficult to know.

But guavas.. you know.. once you get to the colour, and your skin is intact (or even if we cut around the bird pick).. you never fail to satisfy.

There is an irony in trying to be constant. The loved one who used to call me on the way home sent me a touching email and called me 'incomparable friend'. I read this remembering the shunning and the other messages which were sent and other silences when I tried to reach out to try to sort things out.

 I also have to be careful as I realise that there are other contradictions in people and that my anxiety about being useful escalates as I find it difficult to deal with these contradictions sometimes.

However, I keep hoping guavas, that as I try to deal with the mental health issues and the decreasing ability to find coping mechanisms, that I am able to satisfy like how you do.  I know that it will not always be possible but I will focus on not causing harm.

And thanks for the  inspiration that you have come from a tree which I thought was uprooted and broken, but obviously could still deliver even if not at the level it used to before.