3 different types of mango and the dying blue flower..

The deep blue green flower bud was around and I had thoughts of seeing if I could plant its stem and let the roots come out but I know that will not be possible.

The blue flower was there on a day when a donation of bottle, julie and turpentine mangoes end up in the house. The flesh of the bottle mango is white, the julie is pale  yellow and the turpentine is deeper yellow. 

So I think it is nice to make a picture of all these four nice things and see a way to give words to trying to stay grateful for small nice things.

Body is feeling sick as the glut of peanuts and other things is taking its toll.. but the peanuts still making their way into my mouth and crunch crunch. Why the hell can't I get the same relief from running or stretching or walking and walking and walking ..but grateful that it is peanuts and lot liquor or some narcotic ...

Trying with words and ensuring connections with people are stable.. seeking humour.. being anxious all the time.. Will i see the loved one who has stopped calling and will I have to find a way to dodge to avoid the looks of fear and uncertainty and contempt ?
Walking in some places and thinking imagining who I will meet and how I will interact with different people. Will I have to find ways of answering ' so what are you doing now?" and then stumbling over the responses as i am not even sure myself. Small things of clumsiness seem to be warning of more to come.

So easy to be move the mind forward.. not backwards any more.. moving to Saturday, then to Monday then to the next week, then to the end of the next month and imagining conversations and scenarios of failing based on past experiences. Time flies and it seems instead of growth there is decay and missed opportunity.




Tried 2 new things . One did not work so well, the other did.  The tasks which needed to be done are not being done but I grate a green mango and mix with garlic and wiri wiri pepper and feel that at least I can do some things.


I know the solution is not to eat peanuts, to eat healthy, to find more mangoes instead of junk. Rain is the excuse I use not to go seeking the replenishment of bananas and passion fruit.  It is no excuse really as the rain finished.

The puffed  body is the excuse I use not to go and try to move and stretch.. well not good to exercise on a full belly.

So easy to binge on peanuts. The peanuts will finish though.  Some things and situations I will be able to avoid.

Time seems to be running fast and the promises I made myself are not happening.  Work is now structure or routine to finding new solutions apart from crunching peanuts or trying to find words to write around a picture of 3 different types of mango and a dying blue green flower.



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