Dear Cherry Juice..


Dear Cherry juice
Thanks for being there for me. I didn't want to make you but when I realised that the lady who I buy oranges from was selling cherries, I thought what the hell.

You are not easy to make.. blending then straining and then the pulp is messy.. I mean with a lime it is much easier to do.  But I am glad I made you today because I realised that I could accomplish something which was difficult and which I did not want to do and enjoy the results.

Cherry juice, it has been a strange week again. A man I love asked me 'are you ok?" and the proceeded to tell explain why he was shunning me. A previous conversation had scared him.. he said that I had asked him to stay away from me when I was not well and he would be doing that.

When I first met him, I had explained about the mental health and why I stayed far from people. But that is what I thought I said and I realise that communication is a messy thing especially when it is not face to face.

I have grown used to the space when I can't explain or seem to explain , because it just makes things more complicated and creates more problem.

But I still tried to say, lets' meet and talk and sort things out but understandably, he wouldn't. 

I could imagine, as it is not easy to have to listen to people who have mental health issues if there is no skill or training.


So cherry juice, you were nice and cold and sour but not too sour. You were not perfect.. I guess you need another straining but I am not bothered. I was not going to write another blog but then when I realised that talking to myself was easier and better than trying to explain things to others no matter how well meaning they are. This public writing though gives a chance to keep things structured.

Cherry juice, you are one of the joyful things this week. The sadness of the loss of the loved one is mixed with the joy of other experiences like the book I started reading in bits, and the pineapple which I gambled on and is good. All of this mixed with the fatigue from surviving and coming through other experiences which I used to manage better.

I am nervous as I have to teach a difficult thing, and I am anxious about another difficult thing coming up. But I don't know cherry juice, if in deciding to make you, that it was preparation for the other difficult things I have to do.

I also got up and went to an event which I thought of not attending, and I am glad I did. I know I am probably missing out on a lot more as I have to get through dealing with dark clouds, and fighting with myself to keep moving. 

There are many problems around.. I hear Donald Trump bombing Syria.. but well.. the problems not going anywhere and I can only deal with those in my sphere of influence.


Thanks Cherry Juice..  I used to do random crazy things to learn new things and experiement, but well the only crazy thing I have energy and confidence to do now, of course is writing to you.. but it is better than doing nothing.

Comments

  1. UnknownApril 7, 2017 at 8:30 PM

    "This public writing though gives a chance to keep things structured." Doesn't have to be public, Vidya, I have done so much writing just to help me see things straight. A small part of it I made public, to force the need for structure and to see the linkages, but once that purpose was served I could de-publish and stay private. Go on writing to yourself, it's more coherent than talking to oneself.

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