Imperfect Natarajasana, perfect salara , milo biscuits and finding balance..


Every day is not predictable and quick decline from waking up with structure in my mind to focus on tasks into restlessness, pacing, mixing up requests and feeling like I am moving around. Body is feeling tense and I try to go do the yoga routine which used to help.
Rain is falling and it seems a nice thing to do.. yoga in the rain and breathing.

Start out slow, try with the breathing but the bad mental health has really crunched up the body and the joints instead of loosening seem to be paining more.  Balance which used to be okay, is not okay and the time taken to hold the poses to stretch, is not enough to relax and help bring back focus.

I give up at some point when I realise that not today, the body will continue to be crunched up for a while and maybe some other things gotta be done. Despair that the coping skills are not working while more things are coming through to need coping skills to adapt..

Rain is pouring and I make way down, truck splash water on my body and I curse the truck but don't stop.

The salara is there. Perfect, soft, red. The salaras and so might be the reason why the body does not go through the yoga routine.

Milo biscuits.. new thing.. the company that makes them is dodgy but ethics be damned as the poison they make is delicious.. the milo biscuits taste lovely, I want more more more more.. and I feel nice.. the bourbon biscuits are cheaper and just as bad for my mental health as the milo biscuits but they make handling the crunched up body and the restlessness

I am grateful that I don't turn to alcohol or other narcotics which might be worse.

I am grateful that I have privilege to hold off again on some things which I cannot handle.

I am grateful that i know i can't keep eating junk forever to survive as the body needs to be healthy for a healthy mind. Now I know that the two are together and one cannot be fixed without the other.

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