Apologies to the woman in the No 40 minibus..

Dear woman
I did not see you in the minibus. I jumped in the front seat, silently cursed the driver and conductor for the woman hating dancehall they were playing and then zoned out as my mind was cloudy.

When the bus stoppped, I heard the driver say , "Wheh yuh going, come out de bus and go home nah"

I didn't pay attention. I did not look back. I thought he was making joke as his ugly face seemed twisted in a half smile.


 I heard the conductor say..'Woman, you aint hear yuh man seh go home?"

I heard your voice say you going to the park, and then heard him say no, come out now and go home, and I heard you ask for the key and then I saw him give you the key.

I still thought it was some joke thing but in trying to stay in my own zone, I realised that it was no joke.

I saw you come to the window and look at him straight in his face and collect the key. I saw you with the child and I heard some bottles clinking - the conductor saying tek des GT bottles.. I saw the child pick up one.

You left.

I am sorry that I did not cuss the driver and call him and the conductor slime balls and less than men for disrespecting you. I am sorry that I have to hope that you will have one of those bottles in your hand in case he attacks you and you have to defend yourself.

I am sorry that the clouds were so damned heavy, that I was not alert and that I did not throw caution to the wind - another time another driver I had challenged drove faster and I was more scared about being in an accident than about anything else.

In Trinidad, the Prime Minister say you are to blame for  the m en cussing you like that in front of me. That neither he nor me have any responsibility when we witness men hating women.

I have no idea of what entrapment issues you are dealing with. I know that any intervention would have to be first to ensure your safety. But I could have still cuss the driver and the conductor and play I mad, because the abuse is not your fault, it is the fault of the driver and the conductor. And me.

I might see the driver again. I might not have clouds over my mind and I will probably tell him I heard you and your friend disrespecting the woman.  This apology is self serving of course because you will not read it and the man would not hear anything. I will probably go in marches, and stand in protests and write letters and do workshops on gender based violence, but none of that really makes a difference to you or the two men who have no respect for you.

Most men who abuse women do so because men like me allow them to. 

Yours

Ashamed man.