Lemon , pills, yoga regardless..
The pain killers will help with some of the pains. There is strange dust which goes in the throat. Some places which I cleaned, don't look cleaned because the underlying reasons for the dirt have not been dealt with.
Like so much flipping things,superficial fixes don't work. Email coming in reminding me of things which I used to do. A work thing which is voluntary but which is full of craziness and I manage to ask for a temporary postponement.
Lemons come as a surprise . Fresh from "Uncle Cheddi "(Jagan's) yard and I hope that the tree is never cut down by whoever buys the house. I scratch the skin and the fragrance is a rush.
One night sleep is fitful. Another night, probably tablet induced.. is not so bad.. but wake up feeling drugged
Do the work. Feeling exhausted before it is done. The tablets sometimes dehydrate. Feeling angry as I used to do all this in no time, but the truth is the mental health was not an issue. This stuff was done when there were no other things to complete.
Gentle reminders of my failure to deal with other things.
Body feels tight. It is not only about the work. I try to stretch out, let me try 2 rounds of the surya namaskar. Something happens though. from deep. Some memory.. something.. even though the stretching is not helping.. something comes back from when you did 39 rounds first thing in the morning.
Something inside keeps pushing.. down up.. slight nausea, breathing.. neck throbbing a bit and pulse racing.. as I reach the round of 13. Trembling.
Not the nice feeling before , no serotonin generated but waiting.. .. the pains are still there. Man told me I need to go and run as I used to.
The despair is still there that I have not made the adjustments to everything.
I take another painkiller which I know will only work on some of the pains.
I hold off on the antihistamine and hope that no itching. The lemon is there to help with rehydration. I am chewing the peel too.. because it must be good for something.
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